Friday, November 25, 2011

glad I didn't buy a fancy dress

Before I start, I want to share one good thing that I just overheard Mike telling a friend on the phone.  Natalie has had a rough couple days (couple of weeks).  But this afternoon, William is crying on the couch waiting for me to come feed him.  She goes over to him and says, "Its okay baby William," and gave him her Baby Kitty to hold.  Its amazing that when she is so miserable, she is still so nice to her brother.

Today was my 31st birthday and I spent almost the whole day reduced to being a chair.  Natalie wanted to sit on my lap, but didn't want to talk, snuggle, or play.  We thought we had this thing licked, but she has gotten progressively worse again since last weekend.  It started with some fussiness on Monday, but we then realized if we helped her stretch her neck it was better.  But then Wednesday night she slept in my old bed room at my parents' house for the first time.  It was a disaster.  Starting at 930, she was up crying every hour or two all night causing all of us to get limited sleep.

Thanksgiving day started out okay even though she slept horribly.  We even went over to Mike's aunt's house and she did great there.  But she fell asleep in the car on the way home, which we thought was a good thing.  I stayed out in the car with her to let her sleep.  But when she woke up after about half an hour, I took her in side and she just wasn't right.  She just wanted to sit on my lap, even when we broke out the new toys and she was interested in playing with them.  She wouldn't eat anything at dinner, and barely ate anything the whole rest of the day.  

Last night was the same.  I was so tired from the night before and the holiday that I didn't wake up right away when she started crying.  My parents said she got worse and worse for five minutes before I woke up and came in.  It then took her an hour to calm down and fall back to sleep.  She kept babbling about her kitties and trying to move the books near her bed into her bed.  Finally, I laid down on the bed with her and she fell back to sleep.  I was worried about staying there though because William usually wakes up around 230 (and I had to pee).  So, Mike came and slept on my parents' couch and he could get up quickly when she cried. So, he had to get up about twice an hour, but she never got crying as hard again.

The only good thing was that William never got up at 230.  He slept all the way through to 445!  This is particularly remarkable because it was Thanksgiving at my parents' house when Natalie first started "sleeping through the night."  My right boob was as hard as a rock and I leaked all over my shirt, but it still was great that he slept that long.  Mike says that when he sleeps through the night I could go back to our room at night, but I've read that room sharing until 6 months reduces the risk of SIDS.  But, him sleeping through the night means that we could put William in my old bed room for the night and move Natalie back downstairs with us.  Then if she gets upset, we are right there and could put her in bed with me.  (Its a day bed so if she slept in the inside she couldn't fall).  Even if I had to sleep on the floor with her, its at least carpeted down there.  She also probably wouldn't wake up my parents.  We hope that this is all resolved by Christmas or else she would have been "sick" for 6 weeks, but if not, we at least have a plan. 

Today, Natalie spent most of the day on my lap and when she wasn't there she was on Mike's.  There were a few times I had to move her and make her cry.  We almost made her throw up giving her the Motrin this morning because she resisted taking it so badly that we had to tilt her head aback and make it run down her throat.  Then at bath, she stood up and asked me to wipe her bum, which was odd.  She hadn't pooped in three days.  The last three poops had all been accidents.  Two on the floor and one in the tub.  I was worried she was going to poop in the tub again.  When we gave her the medicine, we got her so upset that she shit in the tub.  It was just a horrible ending to the day.  She is freaking out about the poop in the tub.  We haven't washed her yet, but we just ended bath anyway.  Mike had to clean the whole tub again.  I don't care if we don't continue potty training.  It was awesome that she was doing so well, but its fine if we just go back to diapers.  What we can't do it not do either.  She can't not poop for days in a row because she won't go in either place.  I just don't know how to get her start going in the potty again.  She was doing so awesome telling me she had to go and we'd get to the potty in time.  When she didn't do that, she'd at least tell me that she'd gone and we'd go change her right away and flush the poop.  I don't know what changed.  She just suddenly wouldn't stay on the potty long enough for the poop and went on the floor.  I don't want to be hard on her because she's been sick, but the whole first week that she was sick she continued using the potty the same as she had before.

So its bad that Natalie isn't happy.  Its like I've become so accustomed to her crying and just watching TV and whining about me touching her, her kitties, and cups.  When she is happy, its like a miracle.  Its like I don't even know that child anymore.  And what makes things even worse is that William feels like a stranger because he is with other people or sitting by himself so I can comfort Natalie.  He's been awesome about looking at toys and being held by other people (particularly Grandpa).  But I feel like I never see him.  Getting smiles from him are like a gift.  I feel like he smiles for Mike way more than me because I just don't have the time to sit and play with him when Natalie is hurt / sick.  The best thing is that when I nurse him during the day, I often get some delightful smiles and coos when he finishes. While I'm proud that he has learned to self sooth with his thumb, I also feel guilty, like maybe he's done this because I'm not meeting his needs.  I know I shouldn't because Natalie learned to suck her thumb at almost the exact same age, but I do.  (In other William news, he's officially learned to turn on his side). 

The pooping in the tub while we wrestled her to get her to swallow her medicine was pretty bad, but the emotional low for me to tonight is when Natalie wouldn't get dinner.  I swear in the last two days she's eatten almost nothing.  Today she had half a banana, most of a cup of milk, lots of Gerber melts, a tiny bit of OJ, and some teddy grahams.  We picked a dinner we thought she'd eat, and I even let her sit on my lap.  She got as far as putting the food on the spoon, but wouldn't put it in her mouth.

Just to make everything worse around her, Wednesday we had a huge snow storm.  That made getting down to MA that much more stressful.  But, for about a month before I had plans to see a friend that day.  But then with the snow, everything fell through even when we tried to work around it.  I got so bummed.  All I wanted to do was see my friend for a couple hours and we couldn't make it work out even with a month of planning.  Since we came home from my parents' early we might be able to work something out for tomorrow instead.

Lastly, there was one good thing about Thanksgiving.  (Well, there was another good thing, but I'm leaving it out for now).  I made a pumpkin pie.  I got a gluten free, egg free pie crust mix at the natural food store and used the egg replacer we used in the meatballs I made for book club.  I was very worried about the crust since I had to piece it together since the dough like fell apart, but it stayed together when cooked.  Everyone said it was good, just like any pumpkin pie.  A couple people liked it better than the store bought apple pie my mom had.  Mike actually said the pie was the best part of Thanksgiving, not just because it was good, but because its cool that we can now make pies whenever we like.

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