Wednesday, October 19, 2011

I love our new smart phones, but even with a Blogger app, writing a blog an three inch keyboard is just not going to cut it.  We have voice recogniation, but I just can't seem to put the time into figuring out if it will work for blogging, even then, I'm not sure I'd like it.  Anyway, I've turned on the regular computer for a bit while Mike finishes his show downstairs.  For a few nights in a row, William has gone down for bed and stayed asleep until midnight.  We think that its mostly due to this great swaddler we're using - the Halo Sleepsack Swaddle.  But it could also just be his age because when I thought it through, Natalie was almost exactly the same age when she went for five or six hours, only I think she did it the other way around, going later into the morning.  Also, two nights we have put him in the crib awake, but tired and he's gone to sleep.  This is especially surprising because usually during the day he is not happy to be left alone and will cry.  But, this is also after half an hour of nursing.  Tonight, I moved him to the crib awake because Natalie was missing me at bed time.  This is the first time she's done that when I've been with William.  I don't know if its just jealousy catching up or because she upset from slipping in the tub and having her hair rinsed or what.  But since William had closed his eyes a few times and he let go of me easily, I had Mike put him in the crib so I could go say good night because Natalie refused to come say good  night in William's room.  Again, that could be a jealousy thing or it could be that its so different from our routine, or both, or neither.  She had already calmed way down reading two current favorite books with Mike (Max Rides Away and her Cars book Race Team), but she wanted me to read her Cars book again and even got out of bed and got a new book for me to read.  I hate telling her no to reading, especially new books. 

But what really prompted me to write tonight was thinking about how different it is having a second child.  When its just me and William, things are usually very easy.  Unless things have been going poorly or he is especially demanding, hanging out with just William is a breeze.  He's at an age where he is starting to respond to smiles and singing and kisses and toys and books.  He likes to sit up more.  His favorite things are looking at lights and windows and watching Natalie, but he is starting to like some books and does smile for me sometimes.  That's not to say he never frustrates me.  I hate it when he's acting hungry and then when I go through the effort of getting into posion to nurse he just screams at my breast.  But, what makes things so differnet this time around is that I have ways of dealing with that.  I know its probably not me that's making him cry.  I can try a different position, or give up on feeding him without worrying about.  After getting used to the different ways to talk to and play with a baby with Natalie, its so much easier with him.  Not to mention holding him and caring for him.  Lots of the movements are routine from doing them so much with Natalie - unfolding diapers, lifting up the legs to wipe, sliding him close to pick him up to nurse, putting one hand under his neck and the other under his bum to pick him up.  In general, I'm loving my time with William right now.  He's warm and snuggly.  He isn't running me ragged with nursing 15 times a day anymore.  Letting me sleep a few hours at night makes me more agreeable to the times he does wake up in the early AM.  And I love how talking to him and smiling at him now gets a reaction.  Not to mention he is adorable. 

But the thing that feels differnet with Willliam is how much he cries.  I don't know if its my imagination or not.  It seems like he cries a lot more.  But at the same time, I often can't pick him up when he is crying.  For example, him crying the whole time we were in the grocery store today.  I couldn't just go home or nurse him the in the middle of the store, if nursing is even what he wanted.  Or when I needed to get Natalie lunch and he's crying again.  Its unfair to make her wait to eat, and I simply can't hold him while cutting up food.  I alternate from feeling very frustrated with him crying just because I just put him down and feeling very guilty about not being able to cater to him like I did Natalie.  With her, everything was on her schedule and her needs.  But William often needs to wait for us to care for him or sooth him.  What worries me more is they say you can't spoil a newborn because your quick response to crying builds trust and thus babies who are held and picked up when they cry thus cry less.  So, I feel like his crying is because we don't respond to his cries enough. 

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