I though when I got my new phone I wouldn't be able to blog from it anymore, not that I have been doing much phone b l logging since William night weaned, but I still I liked the option. But, my new phone has an on screen keyboard that I can type with just as well as with the flip out keyboard from my old phone. Even better is that I can use a better blogger app. So, to commiserate, her are some of my thoughts:

When I do the kid updates, I find I'm struggling to come up with new skills for Natalie. Is she really not learning anything new? Am I not providing her with rich experiences? I feel that when she just sits watching tv, but then there are times, like right now actually, when she plays for a couple hours solid in her room almost all pretend play with various dolls.  I do feel a little guilty that we did so much work on learning the alphabet and now we aren't working on anything, yet at the same time I know that formal teaching is not at all necessary yet. If anything, she needs more direct instruction in fine motor skills.

Something else n my mind is William's recent behavior. Somtike he is amazingly cute and sweet, but often now he is openly defiant and is not learning that hitting is unacceptable. I worry that the flaws in both of their behaviour reflect my parenting mistakes.  Natalie Is overdramagic because I eventually snap at them. It really makes ? me feel like I've damaged her when she immediately starts questioning my live for her when I reprimand her for something.  And William i feel throws food on the floor because I'm not paying him e enough attention, or hits because I am not consistent enough in giving him consequences for hitting.  Yet, sometimes it feels like the.time outs are ppointless because he does the same thing again so soon after, and even if I did get him n q time out every time I thinkbitbwould either become a battle of wills (which I'm trying to avoid after th consequences of such over food with Natalie) or me breaking his spirit by putting him in again and again.

Also on my mind a lot recently is my relationships with other women. This was not something I've had to worry much about over the last ten or twelve years. Not only am I rusty at having deep friendships, but I am totally unused to being part if a group of women. I am so used to being free of such attachments that I worry that many of my actions are self centered.  And at the same time, I know it has been a little hard for me to make some of the sacrifices needed for such relationships. I want to be there for these women that I've gotten to know, but most of the time feel that what I have to offer isn't going to be enough or that I am not close enough to them and that they are getting support from else where. 

With getting the new phones and the kids birthdays coming up, I've Ben thinking a lot about material things recently. I have noticed a need for some new toys around he're. It seemed like we have way too many until I reallyevaluated and see that we have moved passed a lot of the toys and given them away. We aren't really able to rotate anymore so the birthday s are coming right when we need them. Yet, i feel like Natalie in articular b is always getting things. Recently, we've said yes to items to let her have them fir her birthday, which has made her total add up much faster than William's. I went toy shopping with Mike and was said to see that it really is true that I am biased in picking out toys.  He easily found items for William in the subsection as I was looking in while I gravitated to items for Natalie. We have been lucky to get a lot of hand me down clothese so at least that is nor a big money concern, and it especially makes me this me think that I shouldn't count clothes on either child's totalling clothes are a necessaity