How I Find Books for My Kids

I've gotten a lot better at picking out kids' books over the last four years.  Here's what I do:

Think about developmental stages:
When Natalie was ity bity, I just picked books that looked good to me, but soon I learned that newborns like black and white contrast and older infants like faces.  There are tons of books designed to fill this need.   Infants also enjoy cloth books, lift-the-flap books, and touch-and-feel books, all of which I learned about on the job.  Sadly, many of these you need to buy because they are in short supply at libraries due to cleanliness (fabric books can get grimy fast!) and destructibility (its very disappointing to take out a flap book only to find all the flaps gone!).  With the kids currently 3.5 and 1.5, I don't need to think about developmental stages much anymore other than length.  Can my child stay focused long enough to hear this book?  This page?  I look at the overall length of the book as well as amount of text per page.  I also check to see if the illustrations are interesting.  A good example is The Velveteen Rabbit.  I love this story.  But even though it is a picture book, the illustrations aren't eye catching and the text is still too long for Natalie.  Many Dr Seuss titles are this way, too, even though we equate his texts with small children. Save Dr Suess for the preschool years, excepting Green Eggs and Ham. 

Go to story time:
Our weekly story time is where I was introduced to many of our now favorite authors and characters, most notably Lucy Cousins.  Usually at the end of story time, the kids can pick one of the books to take home.  I keep track of what the librarian reads on Goodreads, and then we can revisit an author or character.  And of course, the librarians are happy to help you find something.  

Recommendations:
Where's the best place to start?  The stack of books you probably got at your baby shower.   Pretty much everyone gets Goodnight, Moon; The Very Hungry Caterpillar; and Where the Wild Things Are. And do you know why?  Because kids love them.  Classic titles like these are a great place to start.  After that, ask librarians for help.  Describe what you liked to see if you can get more like it.  Ask other moms; moms with more than one child or a child a little older than yours are great to ask because they've already worked through the stage your child is presently in.  And don't forget professionals like day care providers, preschool teachers, and friends who are teachers (either of young children or literacy).  I've even read books about books to read to children including 1001 Children's Books to Read Before You Grow Up, A Family of Readers, and What to Read When.  Jim Trelease's book The Read Aloud Handbook also contains large lists of titles for reading to children at different ages.  And don't forget your own recommendations.  One of my favorite types of books to share with the kids are ones I have memories of from my childhood.  Most notably, The Very Hungry Caterpillar is one of my earliest memories of books and school.  I've asked my high school students about books from their early childhood, and most of them have a strong memory linked to one or more books.  

Follow my kids' interests:
Right now that means - Natalie: princesses, mermaids, hula, babies, fairy tales, and ballerinas; and for William: rocks, farm animals, dogs, cats, trucks, trains, fish, and babies.  I look for favorite characters like Spot, Piggie and Elephant, Max and Ruby, or Disney Princesses, including building on excitement about TV and movie characters.  I've used interlibrary loan to track down all the books I can find on Yo Gabba Gabba and WALLE.  Also, I seek out formats they like.  For example, William really likes books with flaps, especially the DK Baby series (Playtime, Hide-and-Seek, Woof).  Natalie also likes flaps, but really liked Octopus Socktopus which had more advanced interactive pieces.  She also likes longer stories.  As much as possible, I take out books that the kids choose themselves. 

Browse:
Considering how much I love books, its surprising how few books we actually buy.  I'd say 90% of the books we read are from the library.  I do browse book stores and always try to read a few to the kids while we are there, but never want to pay for something that they might not love.  So, most of my browsing is at the library.  There are five areas I like to browse, and how many I get to depends on how much time I have.  I always check the board books because William is only just starting to handle paper pages without suddenly tearing them.  I also check out whatever is on display in the picture book section.  Next, I scan the new section.  If I have time, I'll check the hardcover and paperback sections for early readers; these are leveled books like Step-into-Reading.  Since I'm at the library usually twice a week, I see a lot of the same things over and over again.  I push myself to choose new titles to try instead of only getting repeats.   (Don't get me wrong, though.  Repeat reads are very important!).

Read all of a series or author:
When we find something we like, we read all of it!  (Which, by the way, is a great habit to get into as your child becomes a reader and needs practice, practice, practice!  There are 213 novels in the Babysitters Club franchise just for that reason; these kids need lots of manageable text to increase fluency.  But, I digress). We've read everything we can find by Sandra Boynton, Eric Carle,  Mo Willems, Eric Hills, and Karen Katz.  We've read all  Masiy, Dinosaur vs, the Pete the Cat, the Fancy Nancy, and are currently working on Splat the Cat. 

Search by topic:
I've started to do this the last seven months or so.  As we work on themes in our mommy and me group, I create book lists that match.  Just the last couple weeks, I searched books about wind, but other topics I've searched were apples, pumpkins, fall, stars, rainbows, personal safety, and JRA.  I have three places I'll do a search: Goodreads, the library catalog, or Amazon. 

Use the "customers who bought this also bought" list on Amazon:
I love this function on Amazon when looking for books!  It brings up tons of other titles.  

Save Money on Kids' Clothes!

I try to have 10-14 outfits for my kids per season so that they can change clothes about twice a day without me having to do emergency laundry midweek.  Add to that pjs, socks, shoes, undies, coats, bathing suits, and fancy clothes, and its a lot of money!  When both of my kids were born, we were very lucky to have lots of clothes given or lent to us.  It was a huge stress reducer, as well as money saver.  But once the baby clothes were outgrown, I didn't know anyone get clothes from and had to buy all Natalie's clothes.  I bought new since places like Good Will were overwhelming and often filled with faded and dated selections.  But now that I have networked as a mom, I've found venues to save significant money on clothes without having to compromise how I'd like the kids to look.  The key is to share clothes as much as possible, and supplement by selectively buying used, clearance, and full price clothes. 

Getting Clothes:
Look early or late.
If you want used clothes, start looking well before your child needs them.  That will give you time to find items one or two at a time to create a manageable collection for a whole size or season.  For example, I have most of my son's 24 month fall collection done and he's 19 month old now in April.  If you are buying new, still look ahead of time, but do it at the end of seasons when clothes go on clearance.  I've gotten my kids winter coats for half price two years running by getting them at the end of the winter before.  This is especially great for holiday clothes, like Halloween or Christmas themed outfits.  If you are buying new and not on clearance, you still need to buy early before the stores run out of items and / or switch to the next season.  Its surprising how hard it is to find a pair of kids sweats in January or shorts in July.

Shop discount stores for new clothes.
Living in Maine, we have all the Freeport outlets.  Where ever you live, there are probably outlet malls as well.  Also, try stores like TJ Maxx. The clothes will be be brand new, but the prices reduced. 

Buy used.
Kids out grow clothes quickly.  There is no reason to spend so much money on all brand new clothes, and especially not on big name brands.  (Why spend $25 on a tank top at Gap when you can get a new one from Garanimals for $2.50?)  If you must have brand names, all the more reason to buy used.  I recently purchased Carter's long sleeve tees for my son for $2 each used but like new, when they are about $9 each brand new.  Don't forget to look for shoes, too.  Little kids feet grow so fast that they typically don't wear out all their shoes before they outgrow them.  Dress shoes are typically only worn a few times and great to get used.  My three year old daughter has a basket of shoes bought used (or handed down) that she loves to play with.  She sometimes will change her shoes four times a day.  I never could have provided her with such fun if I bought new. 

Avoid paying for lots of clothes.
After buying lots three times for my son, I've learned my lesson.  Only one of the lots was really nice, and that was one from someone I knew.  The other two contained some stained, faded, and mismatched items which diminished the value of the lot.  With any lot you get, whether borrowed or paid, or from friends, family, or strangers, there will be items that won't fit your child or you just don't like.  Its easier to spend more time buying individual items that you know you and your child will like, that will fit in size and season, and are of good quality. 

Accept offers hand-me-downs to keep or to borrow.
Its a different story, though, if someone is going to give you clothes for free.  Then it is worth your time and effort to root through the clothes to find the ones that suit your needs.

Be courteous and respectful when lent or given clothes. 
Say thank you.  Return the clothes promptly when your child outgrows them.  Do your best to keep them looking nice, which is hard with kids, but you can choose not to let your child finger paint or eat spaghetti sauce in someone's borrowed shirt. 

Don't be afraid to ask.
I first asked for clothes for my kids a year ago.  In that time, I've had four moms with older girls lend or give us clothes, and one mom with a boy lend us clothes for my son.  Lots of moms are happy to share because: 1) They know how big of a help it is and 2) They want to get the clothes they aren't using out of their houses!

Try to set up a continuing line of hand-me-downs or cycle of swapping.  
If you can arrange this, it will save you time and money!  Families are very good at these arrangements, but you can make them with friends, co-workers, and neighbors, too!

Use on line sources like Craigslist or FB.
As I mentioned above, I don't like shopping for kids' clothes at Good Will or Salvation Army.  There is just so much hanging there that I am overwhelmed.  But, I have found FB groups in my area specifically for selling or swapping kids items.  You can browse at your leisure, including using search functions to find just what you are looking for.  If you do go this route, be sure to ask questions such as if the house is smoke-free or pet-free, if that is important to you.  One of the lots I got from my son stank of smoke until it was washed twice, but I never asked. 

Buy a few things new, even if they are full price. 
Its nice to be able to pick out a few things that your child will really love.  I also felt better about getting William's first pair of real shoes new as well as Natalie's first sets of underwear brand new.  But we've also had to buy new when we couldn't get what we wanted anywhere else; most recently this was rain boots for William.  Having saved a bunch on so much else, it was nice to just shop a little. Saving so much else where allows you to splurge a little on extra items or fill in the gaps. 

Virtual shop.
When its time to buy the kids clothes for the new season or size, I go to my favorite places on line and shop virtually first.  I put everything I like in the cart, then I par it back.  Most times, I never finalize the purchase.  Doing this really helps me reduce impulse buying.  First, I feel like I've already done the fun part of shopping by seeing everything, and second, I've organized my thoughts to make better choices when I actually go to the store. 

Make a wish list.
Often, I add the items I really like while virtual shopping to my Amazon universal wish list.  Then, anyone who is looking for something to give one of the kids, can see what they need and like.  I'm also sure to tell people like my mother and sister what the kids need and don't need each season.  They like to shop for clothes for the kids, so telling them what we have and don't have makes the money they spend on gifts well spent. 


Giving Clothes:
Lend out the clothes your kids have outgrown.
Hold on to your items if you plan to have your children close together, but otherwise, lend them out.
I was holding on to all my girl clothes in case there was another girl in the extended family.  But then I realized we knew families that needed clothes.  There was no harm lending them out until we needed them elsewhere.  

Choose people you trust when lending. 
I only lend to trustworthy people I know well or a close friend knows well.  I want my items back!  So, I'm not going to lend to someone who feels no obligation to me. 

Mark your things.
You can't expect someone to give you back your clothes if you don't mark which ones they are! I write out last initial on the tag with the size. 

Weed out the stained or otherwise desirable items. 

Save a few favorites for sentimental value.
No matter how trustworthy or responsible the person you lend to is, there is still a chance you won't get your things back.  Maybe you loose touch, or, heaven forbid, some kind of damage happens to their home.  And kids are kids.  They spit up, throw up, poop, spill food, play in mud, color on themselves.  Clothes get ruined.  So, save a few things. 

Sell your things when you can't share them to help someone else.  
If you don't know someone who could use your clothes and you don't plan on having more kids, selling them will help you raise money to buy clothes.  If money isn't an issue, donate them!

Preperations for a Smooth Day

 

Everyday:

• Routines.  We have a few routines.  The "getting out the door" routine: brush teeth, potty (for Natalie), shoes, and coats.  The "coming home routine" is pretty much the reverse: shoes and coats away, potty (for Natalie), sit at table for lunch.  We have an evening routine as well: dinner, play, bath.  Natalie watches TV and plays while William gets his pjs on, has stories, and nurses.  Then, Natalie brushes teeth, goes potty, and gets stories.  These routines add just enough predictability to our day to help it run smoothly.  
• Set out breakfast dishes and foods.  I started this when my husband started doing breakfast with the children on Saturday mornings.  He didn't always know what the kids wanted to eat, so I would set things out to make it easier for him.  Then I realized, Why just make it easier for him?  I should do it for me, too!  So, when I take the dishes out at dinner, I take out the breakfast dishes, too.  I'll also take out my daughter's vitamins and move bagels or toast from the freezer to the counter.
• Set out clothes for the kids.  Again, I started this for my husband because sometimes had trouble picking out outfits for the kids.  Each night, usually while dinner is cooking, I put out their clothes.  Even though Natalie is opinionated about her clothes, she still will wear what I put out for her.  Sometimes, I ask her to help me pick; most days, she tells me what she would like ("A pretty, pretty dress"). 
• Pack lunches.  I've been doing lunch boxes for about six months now.  Lunch time was a huge scramble and I really struggled offering a variety of foods for each child in all the chaos.  Lunches are the part of my nightly routine that is most often neglected.  I started doing them after the kids' went to bed, but I've now started to squeeze them in during dinner prep or clean up.  Sometimes I have Natalie help get me items out of the pantry.  Having the lunchboxes has helped make lunch time run more smoothly, as we eat lunch as soon as we get in from out morning outing.  I also can offer a better selection of foods if I am not washing, peeling, and cutting up fruits and veggies as the kids wait. 
• Pack backpack for the next morning.  This is particularly important when we are going somewhere out of the ordinary that requires extra packing, but that doesn't happen often.  Usually, I am packing up the library books to return to the library.  Or restocking diapers, wipes, or potty accident spare undies.  
• Pick up toys.  Having all the toys picked up and back in their organized locations makes the next day run more smoothly.  First of all, you aren't starting your day already tripping over blocks and crayons.  Also, when the kids want something, you are more likely to know where it is.  Lastly, I find that after cleaning up, the kids are more interested in taking the same toy out again to play with it.  I think that having too much stuff out becomes overwhelming and they enjoy starting each day a fresh. 
• Move dinner from freezer to fridge.  I need to work on this one more, but now that I write a weekly menu, I can start to prep dinner the night before.  We almost always freeze our meat and we often eat meals or sides where the left overs were frozen.  Having dinner defrosting in the fridge over night makes the crunch time around 4pm easier. 

Once a week:

• Weekly routines.  We have routines for where we will go each day of the week.  This helps make the week pass.  I can also plan other meetings more easily when I know where we will be each day.  
• Master shopping list.  We really do this all week, but it helps for the Saturday morning shopping once a week.  I created a shopping list that includes the items we buy most frequently, and goes in the order we go through our usual store.  We post it on the fridge and my husband and I write what we need as soon as we notice.  This makes the actual shopping trip faster as well as preparing to get out the door that morning. 
• Weekly meal plan.  I'll admit that I usually do the weekly menu on the morning of the shopping, but when I do make it the night before, it is great.  But, having a weekly menu makes prepping dinner much more easy.  I've surrendered to being in charge of planning what is for dinner, whereas I used to wait until my husband was home or at least on the way home before we decided.  Now, I know days in advance and budget time accordingly.  That's not to say our weekly menu is rigid.  One of the great things about having it is the ability to switch the days around as things come up. 
• Crock pot meals.  I took a course this fall and struggled the first few weeks getting out the door as early as I wanted.  No matter what I did, I just couldn't get dinner ready fast enough.  So, I started to use the crock pot the night of my class.  It worked great.  As soon as my husband walked in the door, we plated the food.  I also love that the crock pot makes large portions we can freeze.  Most of our recipes for the crock pot involve little prep work.  And even when I need to prep, I get to do it in the morning when the kids aren't bored and whining for me to entertain them.  When I do use the crock pot, I set out as much as I can the night before. 
• Natalie's notebook printables and library book list.  For the last 21 weeks, Natalie has been studying a letter every week.  One night a week, I take the time to print out new materials and put them in her notebook for the week.  I also take time one night (or nap time) to write out a list of library books associated with the letter.  When her notebooks is ready, I can just hand it to her quickly and nudge her to do a little academic work for a few minutes.  This would never happen if I had to stop, locate an item, and print it.  Similarly, I can barely collect books at the library as it is, so having a pre-made list prepped allows frees up a lot of my brain power at the library. 

What I would like to work on:

• I really would love to take an afternoon without children and create a big cashe of ready-to-go craft projects, coloring sheets, and other activities.  I love doing these things with my children, but have a hard time finding time to do the prep work. 
• Planning meals and thus purchases around available coupons. 
• Planning lunches and breakfasts to offer healthier options and coordinate better with the shopping. 
• More cleaning / housework routines. 

Toy Rotation

Toy rotation was an idea I didn't fully buy into until Natalie was about three and William about one.  Before that, we just had all the toys out all the time.  But as the birthdays approached, I had to clear space to make room for the new gifts I knew our family would bring. 

Every time I rotate the toys, I am surprised at how well it works. 

This time I rotated after almost a week of me and the kids stuck home all day due to illness.  We were all bored and getting on each others nerves.  Natalie only wanted to watch TV and William only wanted to blow bubbles.  When I switched out the toys (and also dragged out some from the back of the shelf), the kids were noticeably more engaged with the toys.  Their attention was held for a lot longer and they didn't need me to guide their play as much.  They even played together better. 

I see this pattern whenever we rotate, so, needless to say, I'm a believer now!

I don't have a very organized system for rotation.  I take away items William has outgrown and move them into whatever box I have going for my nephew.  Then, I take away the toys I haven't seen anyone touch in a while.  I then put those away in the boxes I store in William's closet and take out a few things the kids haven't seen in a while. 

I always leave out certain items.  These are the favorites that are used every day, tuck away neatly, or are dynamic toys that can be used in many ways. 

• puzzles (tucked away in a drawer)
• instruments (tucked away in a drawer)
• cars (tucked away in a drawer)
• blocks
• crayons / markers (used every day)
• Mr. Potato head
• Playdoh
• play dishes and food (used every day, go with the kitchen that is always out, tuck away in bins)
• Little People, including their dollhouse, farm, and bus (Natalie uses every day)

Other people have clear systems.  One bin goes away, and another comes out.  Or, they make sure that there are toys that fit different categories.   Still another option is a toy swap, either between friends or through a toy lending company. 

Now, this does not include the toys in Natalie's bedroom where she plays alone at quiet / nap time.  In there we always have Disney Princess Little People castle, dress up box (including purse), dolls with their accessories, a few puzzles such as Melissa and Doug bear family dress up, and Crayola Color Wonder markers and crayons.  I do rotate a few items in and out of her closet, but that is mostly to hide the messy or noisy toys!

Books are another item that is always present.  We have too many for me to rotate them efficiently, though I do rotate a few selections in their bed time buckets, especially by adding library books. 

Ways to Fit Reading into a Busy Life

Natalie has always been able to sit still for long periods of time if something holds her interest, but William is completely different.  While Natalie would bring me book after book to read sitting in my lap, William rarely ever brings a single book.  For a while, I was worried he wouldn't like reading, but he does enjoy books.  William just doesn't enjoy sitting still when he doesn't have to.  So, to get reading into his day, we do the following. 

1. Meals and snacks.  I read to the kids while they have breakfast, snack, and lunch.  (Dinner is left for just conversation, though in my parents' house growing up dinner was when my dad read aloud to us).  This works because William is buckled into his chair.  If his interest wanes, he just plays with something on the table.  
2. The car.  This was the first place I really saw William taking an interest in books.  He had a small board book clipped to his car seat with links.  I'd look back at him in the mirror, and he would be looking intently at the pictures and turning the pages.  Because he had nothing else to do, William slowed down enough to check out books. 
3. Bath.  There are special books you can buy just for the bath.  (Some of them are called bubble books).  This is another great time to explore books where the selection of toys is limited and your child can't run away!
4. The Library.  If you take your child to the library, he can't help but notice and explore some of the books.  Furthermore, if you go to story time, even if he doesn't sit still, he will still hear the stories (and see the example of the older children). 
5. Toys.  Books should always be an option with your toys.  If they are there, your child will eventually find them, even if you don't bring his attention to them. 
6. Diaper bag.  Always have a book or two in the diaper bag for when you have to wait.  This is particularly good for restaurants, but also works for other places like the doctor's office. 
7. Bedtime.  Reading at bedtime has been a tradition for both of my kids pretty much since birth.  They expect it and enjoy it.  Some of our best moments of the day happen during bedtime reading.  When William got to be a bit more active, sometimes we barely got through one book, but we stuck with it and now he is excited to pick out his books out of the bucket with Daddy every night, even if they don't always read any one book start to finish some nights. 

My Parent Tantrum Triggers

I hate that I wind up yelling at my kids.  I know it doesn't accomplish anything, except me letting off some steam.  I'm working on being more aware of what gets me to that point so I can avoid yelling.  When I do have a freak out, I've also been working on apologizing and explaining my feelings.  

My parent tantrum triggers:

• When I feel sick or in pain
• The inability to split myself in half
• Reaching my breaking point of annoyance or boredom (Natalie ignoring me all morning, William wanting to play Playdoh for hours, William screaming as I try to read Natalie a story, etc)
• Big messes involving food or liquids that could have been avoided if they followed the rules (such as William spitting his juice out, Natalie leaving a juice box out for William to squeeze, etc)
• Wastefulness (such as setting out paint and they use it for a couple minutes; getting them something to eat they asked for and it goes uneaten)
• Feeling totally unappreciated
• Annoyance with inanimate objects (stubborn boots, missing items, the stroller, etc)
• Being in a rush

Songs to Sing to Kill Time

Sometimes you are unable to provide a distraction other than your voice.  Maybe you are driving, or pushing a shopping cart, or preparing dinner.  Times like these singing a song can make a big difference.  But, you don't usually want something that will be over in an instant.  Here are some songs with many verses, yet easy to remember:

The Wheels on the Bus
Today is Monday
Old Mac Donald Had a Farm
Five Little Ducks
Five Little Monkeys Jumping on the Bed
Ten in Bed
Five Days Old
I Love My Red Shoes
Apples and Bananas
Mary Wore a Red Dress


Most of these songs are available in book format!

Intellectual Stimuli for SAHMs

Another SAHM / teacher-on-hiatus asked me today what I do to keep my mind from turning to mush since I don't miss teaching all that much.  After some thought, here's what I came up with:

1. Having a second child.  I'm kidding, well, not really.  Since having William, I really don't have enough time to myself to realize if my brain is turning to mush or not.  I only get about an hour and a half guaranteed time to myself each day, which isn't much when you have all the items below to squeeze into it!
2. READ
1. My to-read list.  Being a SAHM means I get to read all the titles I never had time for before because of grading. 
2.  Professional trade books.  I couple this with annotating and writing a detailed review so that I get the most out of these books and have something to come back to when I return to teaching.  
3. Reading for the content area I teach, which is primarily young adult literature.  
4. Extensive board book and picture book reading to find what is best for my kids.  I have learned A LOT about picture books in the last three years.  I took this further by complying a list of our favorites.  
5. Book club selections, which expose me to texts I would never think to read and have also given me new perspective on classics I taught.   (More below)
6. Setting reading goals.  For example, I have a goal of reading all the Newbury winners since 1959 (only need 8 more I think it is) or to read a certain number of non-picture books in a calendar year (almost made 100 last year). 
3. Blog
1. A venue share what I've learned through being a mom.  
2. A place to share crafts and activities I do with the kids (mostly Natalie thus far since William is really not trustworthy with small, pointy, sticky, or smudgable items). 
3. A record what the kids are learning for my own nestalgia and so that I won't be like my mom who claims she remembers nothing about us as babies.  
4. A collection of my thoughts, when I have the time.  
5. An outlet to vent at the stressful times, most predominate would be Natalie's JRA. 
6. A scrapbook of my teaching ideas (see #8 below).
4. "Homeschooling."  Gathering and executing ideas for games and activities for the kids is very similar to the work I did prepping for a class, especially now as I work with Natalie on recognizing her letters.  Its also stimulating in terms of stretching teaching self.  Working with an almost three year old is extremely different than a fourteen year old, so I've really been exploring more artistic and kenestitic ways of learning and teaching. 
5. Crafting hobby.  My craft is cross stitch.  In the past, I've done a lot of work with kits or pattern books, but recently I've been making my own patterns for sets of alphabet blocks.  The act of the making the blocks keeps my hands busy during car rides or while watching TV, but actually designing the blocks (I'm the fourth edition) takes a lot of thinking. 
6. Book Club discussions.  These discussions sometimes are very similar to my ideal classroom, and other times they are just adult social interaction.  Either way, they are excellent. 
7. Take a class.  Currently, I'm taking a state mandated course on a topic which originally didn't interest me.  Even if the content hadn't started to peak my interest, the reading, annotating, and professional discussion are all great intellectual stimulation I was missing since completing my master's just before Natalie's birth. 
8. Gather ideas for when I return to teaching.  Sometimes its writing a blog education topics, like new thinking on old assignments I taught or questions to ask at my interviews.  Other times, its searching the education board on Pinterest for ideas.  
9. Watching stimulating TV or movies.  This one is a little bit of a stretch, but I do tend to like movies and shows that involve some thinking or leave room for discussion.  For example, my husband and I just finished a couple seasons of Dexter.  We were always pausing to talk about what was happening and what we thought going to happen next.  In the future I also want to set so movie goals, such as watching all the Oscar best picture winners. 
10. Volunteer work.  This is something I want to do a lot more of in the future.  Right now, I have joined a committee connected with the group that runs our playgroup. 
11. Being the best housewife and mother I can.  I add this because a lot of my time falls in this category.  This includes: Planning birthday parties and updating the kids wish lists.  Finding new recipes to try out.  Thinking about places to go on family outings.  Finding cute, yet affordable clothes for the kids.  Rotating their toys.  Helping the kids make gifts for family members. 

Ways to Make Your Labor More Pleasant

You have a lot to get through before you can hold your little bundle!

I've been meaning to write this post for almost a year.  As I write, my sister is in labor with her first child, so labor is front and center on my mind.  

Be informed.
First of all, you need to be informed about how labor and delivery work.  Here is a link to the stages of labor from Baby Center.  Being informed will help you be mentally prepared for what is ahead.  It can help you know how to react to what you are experiencing. 

You also need to be informed about your hospital / birthing center / doctors policies about labor and delivery.  For example, when do they want you to come to the hospital?  Will you have an area to walk?  Will you be able to eat or drink?

In the same vein, you should be knowledgeable about the common interventions they used to help labor progress.  Examples include striping membranes, breaking water, and pitocin IV.   There are a lot of people who believe that having one intervention starts a chain of interventions ultimately leading to C-section.  While I think that might be a bit extreme, having my water broken and a pitocin IV with my daughter probably did effect my labor since I then got my epidural and remained in bed the rest of the day. 

Lastly, you should know about any medicines you want to take during labor to manage pain. 

Write a realistic birth plan.
It is hard to write a birth plan for your first baby since you've never experienced labor and delivery before.  But, taking time to write one can help your labor be more, dare I say, enjoyable.  Labor is one time when you can be extremely selfish and self-centered.  In your plan, write out the ways your support person(s) and medical professionals can help you the best.  For example, do you want to not be asked about pain medicine?  Do you want help knowing when to push?  Do you want interventions delayed?  Thinking through these options and then sharing them will help take some of the anxeity out of labor by having everyone supporting you in the way you want.  Having thought about these items will lessen the stress of the labor and you'll be able to just focus on the moment and the joy headed your way. 

Communicate with your support person.
With my labor for my daughter, I didn't communicate well with my husband.  In fact, I didn't ask much of him at all.  Looking back, I feel we were pretty disconnected until the pushing started, (which was about 1/15 of the labor).  But, with my son, I knew communicated more clearly with him.  Yes, I did want him more involved as labor began at home.  Yes, I did want him to hurry up so we could go to the hospital now.  Yes, I did want him to take me on laps around the ward.  Yes, I did want him to pay more attention to me even after I had the pain medicine.  These changes made me feel like we were in it together much more than with our first child's birth.  

Have a mantra or image to focus on during hard moments.
With my daughter, I talked to her pushing the pushing encouraging her to come out.  My husband thought this was kind of silly, but the doctor did the same thing during the birth of our son!  Focusing on my daughter helped.  For my son, I used a mantra one of the nurses mentioned early in the labor.  She said to breath your baby down.  I would focus on taking deep breaths during the contractions and visualize my son moving lower and lower through the birth canal.  There are limitless possibilities of what you can focus on, but doing so can really prevent you from becoming lost in the pain. 

Move, or at least stand.
During my labor for my daughter, I was laying or sitting almost the whole time.  It started at home in bed, then on my living room floor as I timed contractions, then while being monitored waiting to be admitted, then sitting while be asked questions, then I had my water broken, then an IV, then an epidural.  I strongly believe that this lack of movement lengthened my labor. 

I remember my wonderful birth class instructor saying to walk.  But when I was actually in labor, it was easy to be passive and wind up just laying or sitting on a bed and waiting.  Here is a little bit on information from Baby Center on labor positions, and it states that some research finds laying down is the least effective labor position.  Looking back, it wasn't surprising that my labor took so long when I spent so much of my time in an ineffective position.

So, with my son, I was determined to help my labor along.  Once we were at the hospital being monitored and then again once we were admitted, I spent stretches of time walking around the ward with my husband, including with the IV pole.  There were other times when I just stayed standing swaying.  I waited until I got the epidural before I actually laid down.  I really believe that this movement helped my labor progress more smoothly and naturally. 

Push correctly.
First, you have to know when to push.  With my daughter, I did not.  My epidural was turned down and I went from no pain to quite a bit and couldn't really feel clear contractions.  I went into my second labor planning to ask for help with knowing when to push (I mean, they have a machine that reads the contractions, why not use it?).  But, a happy accident left a band of pain around my left hip after the epidural.  This allowed me know when to push making my pushes more constructive.

But you also need to know how to push.  I remember the doctor on call when my daughter was born saying that all first time mothers push so daintily when they are first asked to push.   And in comparison, its true.  I wasn't even close to pushing hard enough.  You want to push as hard as you possibly can.  Like, I'm-going-to-pass-out-and-break-blood-vessels-in-my-eyes hard.  And as far as how to push: Push like you are pooping.  No one told me that, so I had a lot of difficulty at first.  I had to be directed on where to direct my push.  I had expected it to involve a lot more of my abdominal muscles. 

Follow your instincts when possible. 
Labor is a long ordeal for most women.  Unless you are in an emergency situation, you are in charge.  Until you get down to those last few pushes as you crown, you have a long haul of time where you can choose to spend the time as you wish.  If you'd like the nurse to come back in fifteen minutes to check you, you can ask that.  If you need to skip a contraction to rest from pushing, that is probably okay.  If you don't want to hold your breath the way they direct you to, you can.  Trust your instincts and give what feels right to you a try when possible.

Tips for Starting Breastfeeding

With two people close to me having babies soon, my mind keeps returning to my early days nursing Natalie and William.  These are the things I would come back to again and again while starting my nursing relationship with both my children.

• Just after birth, baby needs very little food. Its okay if it takes several days for your milk to come in.  It took five days for my milk to come in with Natalie, and she did not starve.  And, don't let anyone talk you into formula if you don't want it just because your milk isn't in after a couple days.  Discuss with your pediatrician if formula is medically necessary.
• Even after your milk comes in, baby's stomach is small and breast milk is digested quickly.  Don't be discouraged if baby's feeds are short and often.   
• Baby always works better than a pump!  Baby can empty your breast more effecicently and sometimes faster than a pump.  You can't judge how much milk baby is getting by how much you can pump.  
• Skin to skin contact, especially with a sleepy nurser.
• Nose to nipple - helps you line everything up correctly.
• Move baby towards your breast, not your breast towards baby's mouth.
• Rub your nipple on baby's chin to get baby to open wide.
• Push baby's shoulders in towards your breast, not his head.  He may resist by pushing away even though he is hungry. 
• Straight line of baby's ear, shoulder, and hips.
• Fish lips on the breast, if lips are tucked in it will make your nipples sore.
• Rub feet to help a sleepy baby wake up.
• Breast crawl isn't just for the birth, can try it again when having trouble getting into position or latching.
• Semi-reclined position is similar to a breast crawl, letting you relax and baby follow his instincts. 
• Avoid baby's feet pressing against a surface (such as the back of the couch or a wall) while feeding as it triggers a different reflex. 
• Support your back and arms.
• Cooling pads on nipples work way better than lanolin.
• The amount of milk you can express with a pump does not necessarily equal what your baby can drink through nursing
• Keep track of pee and poop diapers. Its the easiest way to get peace of mind that baby is eating enough. 

Reading to Toddler

12 to 24 months:
When your child becomes a toddler, he or she will be able to sit through a book, IF he or she is interested in it. There are days Natalie will ask for ten books in a row and others when she can't sit still for two pages. Despite the antsy busyness of a toddler, try to still ready every day. Bed time is a great time for adding reading because it usually a calmer part of the day. I've also had success reading to Natalie while she is in her high chair eating.

Toddlers have opinions about the books they like and will ask to hear favorites again and again. Be prepared to read the same book three (or ten) times in a row. Try to bring into the home a variety of books, but respect what your toddler likes. A perfect example: My daughter wouldn't give Where the Wild Things Are the time of day the first couple of times I tried to read it to her, then it became the must read bed time book for several months. Expose your child to new books, but respect what they like, need, and want.

Toddlers love gimmicky books. These include pop-ups, flaps, touch and feel, holes and windows, and sliders. Some of these books are really more toys, but others are still great stories. For example, The Very Hungry Caterpillar has various sized pages and dye-cut holds that my daughter loves to touch, but it is also a great little story teaching about days of the week, foods, numbers, and metamorphosis! Another perfect toddler book is Where's Spot? Natalie loves lifting the flaps and shouting "no!" when spot isn't there! Lastly, Open the Barn Door by Christopher Santoro (or a similar book) and Karen Katz's Where's Baby's Bellybutton? are other great flap book that helps teach animals and their sounds and parts of the body respectively.

I've often seen books based on TV or movie characters equated to trash. I disagree. While your child shouldn't only be exposed to such books, I see no harm in some titles that relate to shows or movies your child enjoys. The best example of an excellent TV show themed book is The Monster at the End of This Book starring loveable, furry old Grover. It is a funny and interactive story that just happens to have a Muppet as the main character. We own several other Sesame Street books that Natalie loves, and we also own three Yo Gabba Gabba books and a Ni Hao Kai-lan book. She might like looking at and pointing to her favorite characters, but I still am reading to her. All but two of the ten or so character themed books that we own teach something, be it shapes, the alphabet, seasons, animals, nursery rhymes, or going to the doctor. When you consider getting these books, just consider: Do we already have a lot of books like this? and Does this book do more than just promote watching the show?

Lastly, toddlerhood is a great time for books with labeled photographs. Toddlers are curious to ask what things are and to point out what they know. Natalie loves pointing to pictures of things she can say (like cup, kitty, and baby), but also likes having me name the things she recognizes that she can't say yet (banana, computer, phone). Reading where you are really pointing and labeling is a fun way to teach words at this age.

2 to 3 years:
Coming soon!

Writing a Birth Plan

A birth plan is one of those mysterious things you hear a lot about during your first pregnancy.  My birthing class gave us a form to fill out, but I never gave my birth plan for Natalie to my doctor and nurses because I didn't feel strongly about anything on it.  That is the key to a good birth plan: You have to know what about the birth is most important to you and communicate your wishes about those items clearly and succinctly. 

First of all, don't just copy something you see on line, in a book, or that a friend used.  Instead, really think about what is most important to you during the birth.  Be firm in your phrasing, but remember that labor is unpredictable and you might have to be flexible in the moment. Writing a plan is much easier the second time around since you know what you did and did not like about labor the first time. 

Things to include in your birth plan:

• anything about pain medication, including if you don't think you'll want any
• anything special you want to happen during the birth
• any item you'd like available to help with your labor, such as a birthing bar or yoga ball
• any fears or concerns you have about the labor at all - I saw a great example of a birth plan that had a fear about her husband's diabetes during the labor and informing the nurses to keep an eye on him in case he forgot to take care of himself in all the excitment. 
• special instructions for just after the birth
• special instructions for baby's care while you are at the hospital

For me the second time around, I knew my biggest fear was that I would be alone because Mike would be at home taking care of Natalie.  I was scared to go through it alone and also worried about how much it would depress me to not share the experience with Mike.  So, it was important to me to cover that in my plan.  Other than that, I used what I learned from my first labor.  I made a list of what I liked and what I didn't like, and then I turned that list into my plan. 

If you are writing a plan for your first birth, I would write two lists.  One list contain items about the labor you feel very strongly about.  The second list should be all your worries, fears, or concerns about the labor.  I would then work with that over the last few weeks or months of the pregnancy to make a plan. 

A few small tips:

• keep your plan to one page in a reasonable sized font
• print several copies so that there is always one available for any changes staffing
• print copies early and put them in your suitcase in case you head to the hospital expectantly

Here is my plan for William's birth as an example:

Labor Concerns and Preferences:

• I am concerned about my husband not being present for the labor and birth if labor moves very quickly or there are problems with our  child care plans for my daughter. 
• I’d like to delay pitocin and having my water broken so that I can move and walk during the early part of the labor. 
• I hurt my tailbone pretty badly during my daughter’s labor.  I’m open to suggestions for pushing positions that might put less pressure on my tail bone. 
• If possible, I’d like to see and feel the baby crowning. 
• I’d like coaching on when and how long to push, at least at the start of pushing, because I had difficulty knowing last time.  
• Holding my breath several times in a row while pushing became difficult for me last time due to my asthma. 
• I’d like to hold William as soon as possible, preferably skin-to-skin contact on my chest.  I’d like to allow him to move to the breast to nurse at this time if possible. 

Pain Medication:

• I plan to get an epidural during labor, and I would like help determining when to get the epidural, especially since I know this labor could move faster this time. 
• When the time comes, if the anesthesiologist is delayed, I’d like to use Nubain again to help me wait until the epidural can be administered. 

After the Birth:

• I’d like to hold William as soon as possible, preferably skin-to-skin contact on my chest.  I’d like to allow him to move to the breast to nurse at this time if possible. 
• We plan to exclusively breast feed.  Please no bottles or pacifiers without discussing it with us first. 
• We would like to room in as much as possible. 
• We plan to have William circumcised. 
• We are concerned about jaundice, as it delayed our daughter’s discharge several days. 

Other:

• In case I am alone for the birth, I would greatly appreciate help taking a couple pictures of the baby right away.  Also, in case I’m unable to get up yet and still alone, we’d like a picture of him being weighed for the first time. 

Taking a Toddler to the Eye Doctor

Natalie needed to get an eye exam to check for uvetis due to her JRA.  Luckily, one of the few benefits of polyarticulate juvenile arthritis is that she is much less likely to have eye problems.  However, since she is so young, she might have eye problems that don't present with usual symptoms, so regular eye exams are necessary. 

Natalie has seen a lot of doctors in the last six months (her pediatrician many times, a physical therapist, a chiropractor, orthopedist, rhuematologist, dentist, tons of nurses, anesthesiologist for her joint injections, and now the ophthalmologist!)  All this exposure probably helped her some since she is getting used to doctors.  If they appointment hadn't crept up on me, I would have gotten us a book on going to the eye doctor.  I remember reading Arthur's Eyes by Marc Brown as a Kindergartener when I went for the first time and got my glasses.  Other than that I don't know  of any outstanding titles, though I turned up a Blue's Clues book with a quick Amazon search.

What is good about taking a child so  young to the eye doctor is that most of the tests are like games.  Natalie almost had fun.  She got to identify pictures she knew, like birthday cakes, airplanes, and butterflies.  She got to wear cool sunglasses.  The doctor used toys for her to get where he wanted, including a little monster finger puppet on a light. 

They allowed Natalie to sit on my lap for the whole visit.  She was most comfortable there.  The only downside to this was that I had William with me.  So, my first recommendation would be to not bring any other children with you who will need your attention.  You'll want to let your child getting the exam use your lap and thus you will be unable to do anything for the other child. 

Natalie needed a test called a split light test.  It is actually part of your regular visit.  But, it is one of the tests that require eye drops to dilate your eyes.  Instead of eye drops, a nurse sprayed a mist over her closed eyes.  Natalie does not like getting water in her face, so that already upset her, but when she opened her eyes, it stung a little.  So we had a bit of a freak out.  She wanted me to wash it off and I had to hold down her arms so she wouldn't rub her eyes.  This was the only bad part of the visit and it lasted many five minutes.  But, I was not told on the phone that they like to wait 30 minutes to let the eyes dilate!  Half an hour is a long time to entertain a toddler in a exam room.  Lucky for us, we had a snack and she was interested in some books from the waiting room she didn't have time to read before we went in.  So, my second recommendation if you are bringing a child to the eye doctor is to pack expecting to have to wait up to 30 minutes in the middle of the exam.  I was just whipping out the smartphone with Yo Gabba Gabba on Netflix when the doctor came back in.  This is another reason you don't want to bring another child with you, especially a younger one. 

The exam once her eyes were dilated with easy like the rest of it.  The doctor warned that her vision could be blurry for the rest of the day, so we cancelled out plans to go to the library.  Again, I didn't know that before hand, so I was lucky we didn't plan anything especially fun and that she wasn't upset about not going to the library.  Expect to go right home after the exam.  The doctor also said the dilation medicine makes some kids nap and others hyper.  Natalie was sleepy. 

The last thing I learned about bringing a toddler to the eye doctor is about actual toddler vision.  He said that most toddlers are actually slightly far sighted (that means they have trouble seeing close up).  Because Natalie's eyes were pretty much normal adult vision, that was an indicator to him that she will probably need glasses in the next few years for nearsightedness.  Where an average toddler's eyes will adjust to normal vision, Natalie's will probably over adjust making her nearsighted.  This was interesting to hear for me, but not shocking since I got glass when I was 5.  Does make me a bit sad though since we thought her vision was great.  So, I learned that even if your child's vision has been great so far (for example, your child recognizes you from way far away like Natalie can), that doesn't mean they won't need glass around the time they start school because the eye is still developing. 

Nursing Mom's To Do List BEFORE Baby Arrives

I sometimes wonder if the reason some women have difficulty with breastfeeding is because they don't think about breastfeeding much BEFORE the baby arrives.  If you are formula feeding, you really don't need to think about it too much beforehand.  Parents just need to choose a formula and bottles, read some directions a few times, and then stock up.  

Breastfeeding is more complex.  While there isn't much to buy, there is a lot to know that can make breastfeeding easier.  But, it is hard to take in all of this information when you are tired and sore, not to mention emotional from baby blues.  Also, after baby is born, you suddenly have a lot less time to surf the web and read books from the library. Even though a lot of breastfeeding information makes the most sense once you've started to breastfeeding, moms who plan to feed this way really should do some things BEFORE baby arrives. 

• First and foremost: Get Informed:
• Get a good breast feeding book.  My favorite is Breastfeeding Made Simple: Seven Natural Laws for Nursing Mothers by Nancy Mohrbacher. Read the book before baby arrives, but keep it around to reference afterwards, because you will find many reasons.  I'd suggest taking it to the hospital with you. 
• Take a class.  Your OBGYN, hospital, or birthing center will probably offer one right along with your child birth class. This is a great place to get the basic information about breastfeeding and offers you a place to ask questions. 
• Find a LC.  That stands for lactician consultant, which is a person whose job it is to support your breastfeeding and be knowledgeable on all aspects of the subject everything from latch to bras.  I was lucky that LC at my hospital was the woman who taught my child birth and breastfeeding classes.  She then came to see all woman who wished to breastfeed during their hospital stays and offered to make an appointment with them for after discharge.  When you struggle with breastfeeding, a LC is the professional you want to see above all others, including your pediatrician. 
• Find a support group. This may be more difficult.  Your LC can help you find one.  If you can't find one to go to in person, there are many on line communities such as the Dispelling Breastfeeding Myths group on FB. 
• Watch some nursing videos on YouTube including breast crawl and different holds (side laying and cross cradle are a must, but also football in case of C section) and on latching.  Nothing beats seeing it in action. 

Once you are stocked on information, there are still other things you can do before baby arrives that can make your transition into nursing more smooth.  

• Create one or two nursing spots.  These are places in your home where you will spend a lot of time the first few months.  You want somewhere you can sit comfortably with support for your back.  You also want to have a table near by for a drink, a book, a nasal aspirator, etc. I wrote a whole blog on this. 
• Stock up sitting activities.  For me, this was books.  But other great ideas are crossword puzzles, a magazine subscription, on demand movies, or DVR saved TV series.  You will be doing a lot of sitting.  Sometimes you will stare lovingly at your child.  Sometimes you will fall asleep sitting up.  But there will be times you will want entertainment. 
• Get some gear.  As I said, to breastfeed you really don't have to buy anything, but there are items that will make it easier.  Number one is a nursing pillow.  I  love my Boppy pillow and have two so I don't have to move it from room to room like I did for my daughter.  Breast pads are another item you want to have some of in case you have leaking from your other breast while baby eats or from both in between feedings. Lanolin and cooling pads are necessary for alleviating the pain you will have at the start or when things go awry.  Milk storage containers are a necessity if you plan to work; some women use bags and others hard plastic containers.  Whether you plan to ever offer a bottle or not, I recommend a pump, at least a small manual one.  This will help you if you need to alleviate engorgement or empty a breast due to a nursing strike, plugged duct, or a variety of other problems.  A pump can keep a small problem from turning into a big one (mastitis, if you don't know what that is you need to add it to your get informed list). 
• Get some fun gear.  A smartphone, e-reader, or tablet computer will all be fun toys to use when you are sitting up feeding your baby at 3AM.  
• Consider a sling.  Once you've mastered the basics of nursing, you might want to baby wear and nurse at the same time.  This will allow you to get up and get things done without sacrificing the closeness your baby craves. 
• Make an agreement with your husband.  Before baby arrives, you should decided how he is going to help out and where he is going to sleep.  For us this time around, my husband slept with us on weekends, but not during the work week because the lack of sleep really made him feel awful.  Also, its my husband's job to sooth during the night before bed time and to take care of my older child's wakings.  Figure out what you think will work for you before hand.  (And no matter what you decide, you will look at him some night as he goes off to sleep and you are stuck awake and hate him just a little bit.  Its okay.  I think its a nursing mom's rite of passage). 
• Inform the nurses. Include in your birth plan or otherwise inform the nurses that you plan to nurse.  Tell them you want no bottles or pacifiers to avoid nipple confusion.  Tell them you want to hold your baby immediately for a breast crawl.  Room in if possible to feed on demand.  And let the nurses know you want to meet with a LC.  Letting the nurses know this right from the beginning in a polite manner helps them provide you with the type of care you want. 

Web Resources for Breastfeeding

Here are some breast feeding gems I've found on the web over time.

Breast Feeding Myths Busted


Dispelling Breastfeeding Myths Blog

Breastfeeding Made Simple web site

Why Mother's Kiss Their Babies (yes, it has an interesting bit on breastfeeding)



Breastfeeding Holds Pictures:
Cradle, Cross Cradle, Football, Side Laying
Cradle, Cross Cradle, Football, Side Laying, Saddle, and variations for twins




Breast Crawl Videos
 

Books All Young Children Should Own

I'll give some recommendations for specific titles, but these are all types of books for which many titles would work. You can "kill two birds with one stone" so to speak with many of titles.  Also, most popular authors like Lucy Cousins, Rosemary Wells, or Sandra Boynton have an alphabet and counting book, even if they aren't listed here. 

• Cloth or vinyl book - You can't get these at most libraries, which is probably a good thing.  Books like these are meant for chewing.  They provide a very early reading experience without you worrying about the book being destroyed or your little one getting hunks of cardboard in his mouth. 

• Recommendations: Sesame Street makes several titles that are vinyl which I purchased at the dollar store; Let's Play Elmo Says which includes an Elmo puppet; Tiger Tales makes several cloth books including Jumping Jungle and Busy Bugs; Maisy's Snuggle Book by Lucy Cousins; Baby's Day by Karen Katz; Busy Bee and Squishy Turtle both by Roger Priddy

• Body parts - Learning the names of our body parts is basic and important content.  Once your child knows his parts, a huge leap in communication can happen.  You can now direct his body.  He can also tell you what hurts. 

• Recommendations: Here Are My Hands by Bill Martin Jr; Where is Baby's Belly Button? by Karen Katz (also a lift the flap book); Toes, Ears, & Nose! by Marion Dane Baure (also a lift the flap book); From Head to Toe by Eric Carle

• Bed time - Bed time is a wonderful time to fit reading into your day.  A quiet book about going to bed, complete with mushy I-love-yous, hugs, and kisses, is a  great way to get your child to slow down and snuggle into bed.  Bed time reading is a great way to make reading pleasurable and bed time calming. 

• Recommendations: Goodnight Moon by Margret Wise Brown; Maisy Goes to Bed by Lucy Cousins; Goodnight Spot by Eric Hill; Pajama Time by Sandra Boynton; Dinosaur Vs Bedtime by Bob Shea; Tuck Me In by Dean Hacohen (also a lift the flap book);

• Animals - Most kids' books focus on farm animals, but it doesn't have to be.  Learning about animals is a great venue for animal noises, colors, textures, habitats, and sizes. 

• Recommendations: Big Red Barn by Margret Wise Brown; Open the Barn Door (also a lift the flap book) by Chris Santoro; First 100 Animals by Roger Priddy; Brown Bear, Brown Bear What Do You See? by Bill Martin Jr; Barnyard Dance by Sandra Boynton

• Vehicles - Machines are just interesting and cool, so a book of the many types of vehicles that populate our world can spark interest in how machines work as well as the professions for which they are used. 

• Recommendations: books by Byron Barton like Trucks; Planes; Boats; First 100 Trucks by Roger Priddy; Vroom Vroom Maisy by Lucy Cousins; Go, Maisy, Go! by Lucy Cousins (also a lift the flap book); Fisher Price Little People Cars, Trucks, Planes, and Trains (also a lift the flap book)

• Touch and feel - A touch and feel book provides awesome opportunists to label textures and discuss items that have those textures. These are pretty easy to find at stores like Walmart and Kmart.  Look for variety in the textures.  A book which repeats the same texture over and over is not as much fun and doesn't provide as much to learn. 

• Recommendations: Pat the Bunny by Dorothy Kunhardt; Have You Ever Tickled a Tiger? by Betsy E Snyder; Goodnight Max by Rosemary Wells: DK publishers makes many different touch and feel titles featuring different animals

• Lift the flap - What wonderful books these are.  There is fine motor control.  There is the fun of peekaboo.  Lots of these books are question and answer. Many of these books fit into the other categories listed here. 

• Recommendations: Where's Spot? by Eric Hill; Where's Baby's ... series by Karen Katz; Open the Barn Door by Chris Santoro; Go, Maisy, Go! by Lucy Cousins; Tuck Me In by Dean Hacohen; Fisher Price Little People lift the flap books such as Let's Go to the Farm; Peek-a-Moo by Marie Torres Cimarusti; Dear Zoo by Rod Campbell; also common for popular TV shows to have lift the flap books

• Alphabet - The benefits of this one are pretty obvious.  The key here is to fine a good alphabet book.  The best ones stand alone as an interesting book with the alphabet as secondary.  You can find alphabet books on almost any subject.  

• Recommendations: Eating the Alphabet by Lois Ehlert; ABC's of Cookies by PJ Shaw (Sesame Street book); Gone Wild by David McLimans; Chicka Chicka Boom Boom by Bill Martin Jr; Max's ABC's by Rosemary Wells;  A to Z by Sandra Boynton

• Numbers - Just as the alphabet is the foundation of learning to read, numbers are the building blocks to math. 

• Recommendations: Ten, Nine, Eight by Molly Bang; Duck & Goose 1,2, 3 by Tad Hills; Ten in Bed by David Ellwand; 10 Rubber Ducks by Eric Carle; Maisy Counts by Lucy Cousins; Hippos Go Berserk and One, Two, Three! by Sandra Boynton

• First words - This type of book is great for early language acquisition.  Lots of fun for your child to point and you to label, and then when she is a little older, for you to ask questions and your child to answer, either pointing or talking.  

• Recommendations: Roger Priddy has many different first words books.  We like First 100 Words the best.  There are many other choices out there by different authors including on by DK publishers and Little Einstiens.

• Emotions - Books are a great way for children to start to develop empathy by understanding the emotions shown in the pictures.  These types of stories also help children understand their own emotions and then communicate them. 

• Recommendations: Duck & Goose: How Are You Feeling? by Tad Hills; Baby Happy, Baby Sad by Leslie Patricelli;  

• Food - Reading about food is just fun, but it also opens up discussion of taste, colors, shapes, and sizes. 

• Recommendations: The Very Hungry Caterpillar by Eric Carle; Eating the Alphabet by Lois Ehlert; Grandpa and Me by Karen Katz (also a lift the flap book); Spot Bakes a Cake by Eric Hill (also a lift the flap book); Today is Monday by Eric Carle; I Like Vegetables by Lorena Siminovich (also touch and feel); Pete's a Pizza by William Steig

• Nursery Rhymes - These are the little rhymes everyone knows.  Children love to sing and repeat them.  Many have motions or dances to help get kids active.  From birth, children like the sound of nursery rhymes.  They are a fabulous way to share language with your child. 

• Recommendations: My Very First Mother Goose by Rosemary Wells; single rhyme board books by Annie Kubler such as Row, Row, Row Your Boat; Itsy Bitsy Spider; and I'm a Little Tea Pot

Dress Up Box (girl)

Now that Natalie is about two and a half, dressing up has become almost a daily activity.  Here are some ideas for a dress up box.  Some are very girly, but many work for both boys and girls.

• Custom jewelry - I saved a whole bunch of mine from when I was a kid / young teen.  These were the first dress up items with which Natalie enjoyed playing.  She started with bangle bracelets, then moved to long beaded necklaces like Marti Grais beads, and now she wears the beaded jewelry on elastic string.
• Halloween customs - I've put both of Natalie's past Halloween customs in the box, but she usually just plays with the small pieces like the witch's hat and lady bug antenna on a head band.
• Dollar store items - Its even better if you can go at Halloween, but all year round you can find some custom items at the dollar store such as crowns, wands, cowboy hats, and necklaces. I got Natalie fairy wings and a fire fighter helmet there at Halloween. 
• Mom's shoes - Be sensible about the height of the heel to prevent injury.  I have clear memories of playing with my mom's heels. 
• Purses - I also have clear memories of playing with my mom's old purse.  I have passed on to Natalie my purses that matched my prom and bridesmaid dresses. 
• Hats - Any and all are great be them merely pretty or representative of a profession.
• Sunglasses
• Doctor's kit - You can buy many different types of doctor's kits but the must have item is the "doctorscope" as Natalie calls it.  Try getting a white, button-up tee for a lab coat. 
• Cape - Natalie is happy with a receiving blanket knotted once at the neck, but you can buy them, too.  (A smaller piece of cloth can give your child's lovey a matching cape, too!)
• Disney Princess dresses - Expensive, but fun.  
• Masks - You have to be careful here because masks can be scary.  Natalie likes a Batman mask I cut off the back of a cereal box.  
• Outdoor clothes - Natalie has fun with boots, raincoats, hats, and mittens.  They are more fun in the off season.  

First picture of Natalie playing dress up

Had to get one of William in there :)

More on how to Not Go Crazy as a Stay at Home Mom

When I had just one child who slept ten to twelve hours straight a night, just getting out of the house pretty much every day was enough to keep me sane.  But now with the addition of William to our family and Natalie working on accepting his arrival and her place in the world as a two-year-old, it takes a bit more than a walk around the block or a trip to the library to keep me going.

You're being such a baby!:
While this is an insult for adults, it is very grounding for my husband and I to say to ourselves sometimes.  When one of the kids is driving us crazy we just remember they are a baby and a toddler!  That is how they are supposed to act!

Turn your frustration into something silly:
When your baby is squirming instead of letting you change him, go with it and wrestle.  Find yourself growling as you struggle with the car seat straps, pretend to be bear.  Feel like throwing things?  Do it in a silly way.  Throw all the diapers up in the air so they can rain back down on you.  Dump all the toys on the floor and make a big mess.  You'll feel better to let it out. 

Trust Daddy:
It doesn't have to be the kids' father, it could be grandma, or a friend, but let someone else watch the kids and stay out of it as much as possible!  I have a hard time with this sometimes.  If I can hear what is happening, I can't help but want to butt in.  To help with this, I recommend blocking out the noise by taking a shower or using headphones.  These help me not hear what is going on so that I can truly get a break.  Headphones are especially great in the morning when you want to go back to sleep for a bit.   With my daughter, I didn't sleep in until she weaned off her morning nursing at almost a year old!  Looking back, there was no need for that.  With my son, I feed him, and then ask my husband to get up with him for a while.  The only job my husband can't do is breastfeed the baby.  Everything else he can do just as well as I do all week long by myself. 

Get out of the house by yourself:
About 6 weeks before William was born, I had my first Mom's Day Off.  For the first time since Natalie's birth, I left the house for pretty much Mike's normal work hours.  I visited a friend, went shopping, got a hair cut, and spent some time just sitting in a Starbucks on the computer.  Now that William is here and nursing exclusively, I can't leave for a full day, but I can leave for 2-4 hours at a time.  Sometimes I leave just to do a quick errand that is easier to do without kids along.  But, twice now I've just left and spent time sitting in a Starbucks writing blogs, playing on line, and listening to music.  We try to plan these times for me to get out alone after particularly difficult weeks, but there is really no reason why you couldn't have a little outing to yourself every weekend.  Remember, if you can handle it from 8-5, five days a week, Dad can handle it for an hour while you go for a run, get your nails done, or get a cup of coffee.  Another way to get out of the house is to join some kind of adult group.  I am now part of a book club, so about once a month, I have a guaranteed reason to go out by myself for a few hours.  Another option is to take some kind of adult education class.  But, don't forget about your spouse!  Dad also needs time away that isn't while he is at work, and you need to find some time as a couple, too. 

Join a play group or make one of your own:
If you have lived in the same area for a long time, you might not need this as much as I did.  I moved to Maine after graduating from college, and I only knew my husband and colleagues from work.  Once I started to stay home, I knew no one who was home all day long excepting my mother two hours away in Massachusetts.  Joining a play group at our community center and going to our public library story times allowed me to meet other moms, some of which were stay at home moms, too.  Play group was a great venue to see how other kids grow and behave, but the best part was an outlet for me to talk to other moms.  Now that I've gotten to know a few moms and their kids well, we've started our own meeting once a week rotating between our houses.  The play date keeps the kids busy and happy (for the most part, two-year-olds do have a bit of a trouble sharing), and we moms get to talk, which leads to ...

Somehow share your thoughts and frustrations:
 There are many ways to do this.  Of course, there is your husband.  Sometimes Mike doesn't fully understand what I'm trying to say, but much of the time he does, especially just after he's spent a lot of time with the kids.  What a relief it is to hear him mirror the same frustrations I've been dealing with during the week.  It validates me and generally makes me feel less crazy.  No matter how understanding your husband is, I recommend having at least one other way of venting your mothering feelings.  Sometimes there will be things he just can't get because he isn't the one getting his nipple bitten or falling into snow banks getting the car seat back into the car.  You might confined in other moms or friends.  Your mom, sister, or mother-in-law might be a great person to talk to about motherhood.  For me, I often write about these things, as I have most of my thoughts since adolescence, hence having a blog.  And, try to share all the good things as well as the bad.  Take a moment to write about a great day you had with your children or to share a big family accomplishment another mom at play group. 

Find a way to give back:
Maybe this is just the teacher in me, but sharing what I've learned these past few years really does help me cope with being a mom.  I enjoy writing this blog because I can reflect on what I've learned and put it out there for others to learn from if they are in need.  I also enjoy helping other moms I meet because so many of them have given me advice.  Another way us moms can support each other is swapping clothes and toys.  It is a huge relief when a friend just hands you a perfect winter coat for your child or two laundry baskets full of clothes for your newborn.  I try to return the favor as much as possible by giving our extra clothes, toys, and linens to those in need, be them friends or anonymous members of the community.  And even though its more work, I find it recharging to open my home to other moms and kids. 

Get a baby sitter!:
It was about 15 months before we had a real baby sitter for Natalie.  It wasn't that I was overly protective of her, but that we didn't have any connections to find a baby sitter.  Most people have their relatives watch their children, or they swap services with other moms, or maybe even ask a neighbor with whom they have bonded.  We didn't have any of these connections in our area.  Finally, I found a baby sitter by visiting the high school where I used to work.  Later, we found our current baby sitter through the recommendation of another mom.  (Our current baby sitter is a former student of mine, so that was a huge character reference!).  However you find one, just do it!  There were so many other times we could have gone out if we had just focused on the task sooner.  And a small baby sitter tip: College kids are great choices.  They are a little older and thus more responsible, drive their own car increasingly their availability without taking more of your time, and they have time during the day free, not just evenings and weekends.  

Use a baby sitter as a mother's helper:
I've done this several times and I wish I had done it sooner.  It is especailly helpful before a trip, holiday, or company.  Our baby sitter played with the kids while I cooked or cleaned.  I got a ton done that I would have had to try to squeeze into a couple hours after bed time otherwise.  Its also a great way to get your kids used to a baby sitter if they have separation or stranger anxiety. 

Embrace volunteers' offers to hold the baby:
Unless your child is going through one of those phases where he cried at all strangers, let other people hold the baby if they ask!  Over these past holidays, my daughter was struggling with torricolis and accepting no longer being an only child.  We passed little William around like a hot potato.  He didn't mind one bit and everyone got to get to know him some.   Its good for your child to interact with others to see how they are different from you and your spouse.  You never know, Grandpa might find a new game at which your son can't stop laughing, or he might just take a nap right on your sister's shoulder.  (Both of which happened with William).  And while you shouldn't let total strangers hold your child in the grocery store, let other moms hold the baby while you pay attention to your older child.  I'll never forget how a woman I hardly knew played with William for half an hour one play group so that I could give Natalie my undivided attention. 

Take your aggression out on inanimate objects:
While this is not the best advice, when I really can't take things and need an outlet, I let the cabinet doors and the stroller have it.  I slam those cabinets shut as hard as I can.  I let the stroller hit ever stair carrying it out to the car.  The physical release is just what I need to refocus sometimes.  I don't suggest doing these things where your kids can see, though.  Not only might it be scary for them (twenty-five years later I still have a very clear memory of my mom throwing a toy stroller), but you don't want them to copy you. 

No Toys, No Problem (Updated)

One of my biggest pet peeves as a parent is parents who knowingly bring their children out for the day, yet bring no toys.  Its one thing if you are going to the home where other children live, but if you are going to a childless home or a public location, like a beach, then serious, what are these people thinking?  The parents plan to be busy with other adults, just what are the kids supposed to do?  Even well behaved children are going to get bored and act up.  Over the last two and a half years, I've learned that there are a lot of regular household items that hold Natalie and William's attention as much as, if not more than, their toys. Here are some ideas in case one of these unprepared parents show up at your house (or in case you are one of them yourself!).  These ideas also might come in handy in case you are ever stuck in the case of an emergency. 

All of these items should be used with supervision because they are not intended to by toys, and thus probably don't meet safety standards. Almost all of these ideas are for older babies and toddlers.

• Keys - These are great for lots of ages, just make sure they are safe for mouthing if the child is really young. Now, Natalie tries to put my keys or little store cards into the door handle.
• Measuring spoons - For about five months, a set of measuring spoons was Natalie's favorite toy when we went to the store out out on a walk. She'd shake them like a rattle and chew on them.
• Pot and a wooden spoon - Like you hadn't already heard this one?
• A plastic pasta strainer for the bath - It was a $1.50 and possibly the best bath toy we've bought. Also makes a great place to put the other toys away.
• Blankets or towels - Great for all kinds of peekaboo games.
• Cardboard tubes - From paper towels, toilet paper, or wrapping paper. Natalie likes to talk into it now that we've shown her how it changes your voice.
• Gift wrap - Tissue paper is great for crinkling and listening to, especially for smaller babies. As a toddler, Natalie got a real kick out the wrapping paper around at the holidays. Cartoon characters are a plus, even if they are just snowmen. She also loved unwrapping it and stepping on it.
• Tissues - Natalie (18 months) still enjoys pulling many tissues from the box and wrapping them to shreds. Messy, but good for fine motor development.
• Clothes, especially hats, gloves, socks, and shoes - Natalie is currently in love with putting on these items she finds around the house. She likes me to stand her in my husband's shoes. She enjoys putting gloves and socks on her hands and hats on her head.
• Anything resembling a phone - Natalie (18 months) will hit the buttons and put it up to her ear and say hello. Sometimes she even sounds like she is having a conversation. If you are worried about activating something, just take out the batteries or download a child lock for a real phone.  Great options here are remote controls and mp3 players.  
• Camera - Natalie (2 1/2) loves to see the pictures taken on the camera.  She sometimes like to have her toys pictures taken.  An older toddler would love to run around and press the button on his or her own.  The great thing about digital is you can always delete them later!
• Computer - The computer is not just fun for hitting the keys, but has a wealth of entertainment through music, videos, and photos, both on line and stored on the computer. Skype is also great.
• Laundry baskets (or big boxes) - Natalie loves climbing in and out of them. Sometimes she'll even get a ride around the house in one. Also, throwing balls or rolled up paper or socks into a laundry basket is an easy game.
• Paper, especially in a notebook - Natalie is fascinated. Maybe its just her ...
• Photographs, in albums or in frames - Natalie loves being told who everyone is and pointing out the babies.
• Drapes or shower curtain - Great for peekaboo.
• Hinged draw handles - Natalie went through a phase around a year old where she would have to touch every handle like these in the house.
• Tube sock puppets - Take a white tube sock and draw a face on it with a Sharpie. Prep time is about a minute.
• Magazines - These are great for looking at the pictures, or if it is okay by the owner, ripping.
• Stickers - Not every house hold will have these, but lots of people save the address stickers that charities send you. Post-it notes would probably also be highly entertaining.
• Accessories, like headbands, bangles, and purses - Natalie loves playing with these items like she is getting ready to go out.
• Jinga blocks - We let Natalie play with these all the time in our downstairs room that has no toys for her. They are just as satisfying for her as regular blocks.
• Mirror - As I write, William (5 months old) has been talking to his reflection for at least 15 minutes. 
• Flashlight - Natalie loves flashlights.  Great to combine with sheets to make a tent. 
• Coasters - Natalie likes all kinds, but especially likes ones that look like dishes.  
• Running water - Great for watching, splashing, hand washing, among other things. 
• Plastic water bottles - I mean the type you buy at the check out for a dollar.  Natalie loved grabbing these, chewing on the screwed on cap, and shaking them as an older baby. 
• A basket or reusable shopping bag and items from the pantry - Tada!  You can play store.