Thursday, February 16, 2012

Struggling with motherhood today. William is frustrated with everything and just yells ans yells. Natalie is overly sensitive and crying at the slightest set back. Its always the same battles. William trying to roll over while I change his diaper or arching to look at something instead of nursing. With Natalie its eatting two bites of lunch or complaining that she hurts when she doesn't anymore. They drive me crazy and its impossible to hold it in. I wind up being mean to them and I hate that. And of course even when I want to be calm I wind up yelling when they cry because no one can hear me. I fight to get time to just change my clothes or make a snack so its so drawn out that I feel neither one is getting proper attention.

Most frustrating right now is Natalie's constant manipilation for attention. She whimpers in the night for what seems like hours even though nothing is wrong. She says her stomach hurts or her ankel, for no reason. She begs for hugs at times when you can't give them.

William's irritations are easier to forgive because he is so young, but still irk me in the moment. He has been refusing to sit because he wants to move, but I will not and can not carry him around all day. He wants to play with toys, but drops them or can't manipulate them as he wants. Add to this his constant trying to rip my glasses from my face and trying to sever my lips from my mouth with his ever sharp nails.

Most days I feel like its not that hard having them both. If I was just better at dealing with thwm crying, either more laid back or betting at distracting them, then it would be fine. Often I feel I've been to lienent with Natalie. She's gotten too much attention, too much praise, too much choice. But then other times I feel she is just acting her age and see that things really could be worse. Sometimes I wonder if this is what its like for everyone and if I am giving myself a hard time. It seems like things should get better. William should be happier when he can crawl and then walk. Natalie should accept her place in the family fully and stop this attention seeking. Everyone should sleep a whole noght at some point.

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