My Child's Friend has a Food Allergy

First of all, you shouldn't assume that a child coming to your house doesn't have an allergy. For young children, you should ask while making play date arrangements with the parent. You can ask a school age child directly. Its also a good idea to ask how sever the allergy is. For example, a child can have an intolerance to milk, which might mean when he drinks it he gets diarrhea. Or a child could have a serious allergy to milk where if he comes in contact with as little as a couple drops he goes into anaphylactic shock. There is a big difference here, and that will mean a big difference in how you prepare for the play date.

The most common food allergies are to: Milk, Wheat, Eggs, Tree nuts (almonds, walnuts, ect), Peanuts, Soy, Fish, Shellfish

Places Allergens Hide:

• Starch, Food Starch, or Modified Food Starch can all mean wheat. These are in many, many foods.
• Glaze or Confectioner's Glaze can mean eggs. This is a common ingredient in candy or food with a shiny shell.
• Whey and Casenin mean milk. And you should already know that ice cream, yogurt, and cheese all have milk.
• Lots and lots of ice cream, including local ice cream stands, have eggs.
• Even nut free varieties of foods can have nuts or traces of nuts in them. For example, plain M&Ms have traces of peanuts. This is true of a lot of chocolate. Its very hard to find granola or dried fruit which doesn't have traces of nuts from trail mixes.
• Almost all creamy style salad dressing has eggs.
• Cheerios contain wheat.
• Some pet foods have top allergens, so keep those crawlers and toddlers away from Fido's and Fluffy's bowls.
• Some fancy soaps and lotions have wheat or milk. Products that scrub / exfoliate often have nut shells.
• French fries that have a coating or batter almost always have wheat.
• Be aware of peanut shells on the ground at parks, ball fields, and some restaurants.
• Anything cooked in oil should be asked if peanut oil is used, especailly french fries and onion rings. Its not very common in big chains and usually if peanut oil is used there are signs, but ask just in case.
• Lots of alcohol is made with grains. While you hopefully aren't giving alcohol to a child, keep it in mind about using it while cooking, such as beer battered items, or liquor chocolates.
• Play-Doh contains wheat.
• If you boil raw pasta, the wheat particles get into the air and can bother a person with a wheat allergy, especailly one with asthma. So, avoid cooking pasta the day of the visit, or ventilate the home well.
• Pay attention to notices on labels that say things like: May Contain ... , Manufactured on Equipment that Processes ... , and Packaged in a Facility that also Processes ... . These warnings are often alarmist, but you want to avoid serving these products or ask the parent about them directly.

For minor allergies and intolerances:

• Check all food you might serve (or play with) during the play date IN ADVANCE! Be extra diligent about reading labels because allergens can hide in unlikely places.
• If the child is too young to understand his or her allergy, then make sure that all foods that might have the allergen in them are out of reach.
• If you take a child with a food allergy out to eat, be very clear with the wait staff about the allergy. If your waiter or waitress doesn't seem to know what they are talking about, don't hesitate to talk to manager or cook. I've had some waitresses say some pretty stupid things to me before showing that they were quite clueless about the food on the menu and food in general. I've actually gotten sick from a waitresses mistake at least twice.

For serious food allergies:

• Check all food you might serve (or play with) during the play date IN ADVANCE! Be extra diligent about reading labels because allergens can hide in unlikely places.
• If the child is too young to understand his or her allergy, then make sure that all products that might have the allergen in them are out of reach.
• Clean all surfaces where foods the child is allergic to have come into contact.
• Avoid letting your child have foods that the friend is allergic to the day of the play date. This is hard for some foods, but its pretty easy to skip the PBJ for one day. This will reduce the risk of your child passing particles of food to the friend by accident during play.
• If your child has eaten one of the foods the day of the play date, have him wash face and hands and brush before the friend arrives.
• Wash any toys that may have come into contact with a food containing the allergen. This would particularly be important for young children who are messier and more likely to put toys in their mouths.
• Save all packaging / labels. If there is a question about the food, then you can refer back to the package without digging through the trash. This is particularly nice when you are throwing a birthday party for older children. Then, the child can just ask you to read the label or read it himself. I do this all the time for my food allergies as an adult.
• If you take a child with a food allergy out to eat, be very clear with the wait staff about the allergy. If your waiter or waitress doesn't seem to know what they are talking about, don't hesitate to talk to manager or cook. I've had some waitresses say some pretty stupid things to me before showing that they were quite clueless about the food on the menu and food in general. I've actually gotten sick from a waitresses mistake at least twice. Asking the parent about a safe restaurant or food to order in advance or with a quick phone call will make it less stressful for you.
• Know what to do if there is a reaction and make sure you have any supplies you need (benadryl, inhaler, Epi-pen, etc). The child should bring these with him.
• If you've never used administered an inhaler or Epi-pen before, ask the parent about it and / or read about it briefly on line. You will be stressed enough in the moment.
• Ask the parents about early signs of a reaction. For example, lots of people with food allergies start by feeling an itchiness or oddness in the mouth or throat. A child might compensate for this by stopping eating abruptly, starching their neck, or drink a lot suddenly. Ask the parents about this, they will best know how their child's allergies present and how their child responds.

The Emotional Aspect:
Speaking as someone who grew up with multiple food allergies in a time when food allergies weren't headline news, there is some emotional stigma to having food allergies. If it is just your child and the one friend over and you are having a snack, then the friend probably won't feel all that embarrassed or uncomfortable. But, if there is a group of children, such as a birthday party or slumber party, or a family meal, then things change if a lot of hassle and focus are put on the food allergy. Here are a couple things to keep in mind:

• Try not to segregate the child or make a big deal out of his food being different. Instead, try to serve everyone what the allergic child can eat or have options for everyone. This is even possible with cookies and cake with simple mixes that are wheat, egg, nut, and diary free.
• Figure out the food choices in advance. Its not very pleasant to suddenly learn that no adult in the house can find something you can safely eat. Usually, the adults get flustered and start asking about lots of different foods and feel like bad hosts. Avoid all this and find some things in advance whenever possible.
• If you have to ask a lot of questions about food while out, try not to be alarmist or ramble on and on. Its embarrassing for the child to be talked about like that when he is right there. The hassle can also be so embarrassing that the food isn't enjoyable anymore.
• For school age kids, follow the child's lead. If he is used to sitting next to someone eating peanut butter and jelly, then you don't have to worry about it.