Wednesday, June 22, 2011

Reflecting on a good day

Trying to steal a couple minutes to write while Natalie watches Lilo and Stitch and dinner cooks and before Mike gets home.

Had a great day today. We went on a hike / walk with our neighbor and her two children. I was worried about it, as I always worry about everything. Particularly, I was worried about having to carry Natalie. But, she did great. She walked for almost an hour and only got a little fussy. She asked to be carried a lot, but didn't complain much about not getting what she wanted. She enjoyed being outside, but I think she would have liked a shorter distance with more time to look at things, but we had to keep moving for my neighbors baby who like most babies, likes to keep moving. It seemed like we were getting eaten alive by mosquitoes, but we seem okay now.

Since it was already like 80 at 11 am, I invited them over for a swim after the kids' naps. They came over, but it had cooled off! And the pool was only 75, which I didn't know was kind of cold because Mike takes care of that kind of thing. So, after all the commotion of getting three kids ready and into the pool, we only swam for like 15 minutes, but it was still pretty fun. It was really cold when we got in, but because Natalie made me keep moving, it wasn't so bad after a minute. Kudos to my neighbor for managing two kids in the pool! We got out when her kids started shivering! I think Natalie has enough chub on her still to keep warm longer. My neighbor asked about coming back to watch a movie, but the times didn't work out. As I think I've stated before, I feel like I'm a horrible conversationalist. I feel like I never ask any questions. Particularly when Natalie is around, I feel like I begin to answer something, then get distracted before I can finish or ask a follow up question myself. I can't be too horrible of company though if my neighbor offered to come back over, but it still bothers me. I keep meaning to work on that, but, guess what, I get distracted in the moment.

(This was as far as I got while waiting for dinner to cook. Had to come back and finish after Natalie went to bed).

Its kind of funny how when I know other people, I forget that they have their flaws and things they feel are short comings. I tend to just assume that everyone else is as together as they seem. Maybe its because I'm a little self-centered and get hung up on my own flaws (particularly the fear of trying new things). I wonder if I appear to have it together. I wonder if these other women have similar insecurities. I wonder if these thoughts are attributed to my not having many close friends for the last decade or so.

I wanted to mention a couple of interesting things my neighbor said today. One was that she is enjoying a part time job she's gotten for just a few hours a week because it lets her get dressed up and go out and feel like a woman again. I can relate to that. The first six months at least after Natalie was born, I felt like I rarely bothered spending any time on myself. I work more at that now, but its getting harder later into the pregnancy to put the effort in. I also understand her point about getting out of the house and being in a completely separate environment. I feel that way with my book club the few times I've gone out with them. It is a chance to go out just as myself.

Another interstesting thing she said was that she thought that Mike and I would do a lot together since I get out and do so much with Natalie. I mentioned that I started going out so much with Natalie because it made the days go by so much faster. That really is a big change in my personality. In general, I really don't gravitate to going new places and trying new things, especially alone. But, for Natalie, I've done that a few times (story time, play group, a few other small adventures). I still worry about things in advance of our first trip, but I've gotten better about that in general. But, as I also told her, we don't go out much ourselves. We forget that we have a baby sitter. The weekends go by so fast. Part of the problem is that I still feel uncomfortable having anyone else put Natalie down to bed or nap. That can really limit when we can go out and what we can do. So even with the babysitter, its hard to plan some dates. But, I feel like we really do need to make an effort about that. We were so used to spending out time going to the movies, that we now don't think to go out and do different things. I guess that's partly because we don't like spending money, but having cold weather around here a lot of the year doesn't help either. I sometimes feel bad that we don't / didn't do more things because I'm not as athletic as Mike (espeically when it comes to the water), but there is still a lot we can do. I guess now that its harder to go out and do things, its a lot easier to see all the things we could have done before.

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