There has been a lot going on with William recently.  About a week and a half ago he learned to crawl.  It had been a struggle for her for about two weeks before that were he was stuck up on his knees or feet and then falling on his face.  We thought he'd be happy for a while once he crawled, but he immediately moved on to the next skill and yesterday he pulled up for the first time on a create of books at the library.  I turned around and there he was standing up!  Today he did it again a few times with our music table. He is getting good enough at standing holding on to a table that you can walk away for a little bit.  He likes being up where Natalie is playing, but he can't play with most of her things.  Either they are too small, too breakable, or she is too protective of them.  Its going to be a rough haul for a while I think.  He was already getting into trouble just crawling (getting stuck under the desk and TV cabinet and in corners), but now he is reaching for all sorts of things.  I guess I"m going to have to teach Natalie to put toys away as soon as she finishes with them.  I wish I could have her play in her room with the more dangerous items, but she isn't ready to go play on her own.  I also think I would miss her if she was in her room all day!  I am thinking that we could hook up the TV I took to college in her room with the built in VCR.  Then I could let her watch movies in there sometimes so she would play in her room alone.  She needs to work on playing in there without me.  It would let her play alone with the things William can't get into while also giving me some time alone with William.  She already gets time alone with me when he naps.  We often do crafts then.  I feel like if we could get the right arrangement of toys and furniture throughout the yard and house it would fix the problem.  I bought her a little desk and chair which she loves and we are going to move the picnic table outside.  It would be ideal to have the new desk and chair in her room, but she loves it too much.  I'm already thinking she will be sad when the picnic table is no longer in here for her to sit at, but we need the room in here and there is no seating outside.  I'm going to move the kitchen in her room and the play food and dishes because they can both play with that.  I think it will be hard to know who owns what toys for a while.  Until now, everything has been Natalie's, even William's stuff.  But he is going to start having favorite toys soon.  I just rotated some toys and it seems to have made both of them happy.  William got some new little sensory balls and the blocks from the shape sorter and he seems to like them a lot.  Natalie likes to play with the craft items we make.  Today we had a great moment when Natalie, William, and I were all playing with the instruments.  It was one of the first times when we were really all playing together.  I've also been wondering about bed time.  I'm hoping that at some point we can take the bath time together and make all of bed time be together so that William can get to see Mike for the reading portion. 

William's night time sleep is frustrating.  We are currently at four wakings a night.  They aren't especially regular, but do get closer together as the night goes on.  Just tonight, Mike went in when he cried at 845, which is pretty early, not even two hours after I left him.  He seemed wide awake, though most nights he's not.  Mike was frustrated and put him back down and we let him cry.  He was back to sleep within 10 minutes and his cry never got really bad (like the night we tried crying it out in the middle of the night).  I dislike letting him cry it out at night.  He is old enough to know that he went to sleep with me and miss me when he wakes up, but I don't want to cut off his nursing before he is asleep because he is so busy and distractable during the day.  Plus, he has no way to soothe himself.  Natalie sucks her thumb and has since about 4 months, which is when she started sleeping through. But it never stuck with William.  So when he goes to sleep, he has nothing to calm him.  At nap, he just cries.  The other day I went in to check on him at nap time and tried to help him lay back down.  He was resisting and eventually just slammed down onto the mattress like a ton of bricks.  I've tried putting a little blanket in there for him to chew since he loves cloth so much, but he doesn't seem to take to it much.  He does seem to like his seahorse that plays music though.  I just feel bad that he's in there, so small, missing us, yet he has no way to cope with that other than crying.  I've often wondered if he just needs to cry a little as a way of coping, but I still feel bad when its that angry cry and if it goes on more than ten minutes. 

Speaking of missing.  The last few nights when Natalie says goodnight to William, she's said she misses him in the night!  Its so cute.  I wonder if its because she hears him crying when he wakes up, especailly when I do his diaper (have to or he leaks).  Tonight I asked her if she would like a picture of William like she has of Mommy and Daddy and she said yes.  For a while, Natalie wouldn't say goodnight to William, but she has been doing it regularly now.  Sometimes she even comes in to his room for his book. 

As frustrating as William's sleep and nursing can be (today he bit me for the first time leaving a small cut), I do love putting him to sleep at night.  He often laughs as he's going to sleep.  So, he will be frantic until we start nursing.  He is fighting getting his diaper on trying to roll over.  He is crawling all over the bed trying to chew on the lotion bottles or rub his face on the pillows.  But once we nurse, he is happy and snuggles in to eat.  He usually gets very sleepy on the first side while I read to him in the dark.  Then, some nights, he lets go and giggles and smiles up at me all sleepy.  He'll touch my face and yawn.  Its so great. 

Twirly Whirly Flyers

Twirly Whirly Flyers from Ni Hao Kai-lan

What You Need:
Colored card stock (OR white card stock and markers OR paper plate and markers)
Pencil
Flower shaped cookie cutter (or you can just draw the flower)
Scissors
Drinking straw (1 per flower)
Brass fastener (1 per flower)
Glue (Elmer's School Glue or Tacky Glue)
Tape
Dot sticker (optional)

What to do:
This starts out very easy.  Trace or draw a flower on the card stock color of your choice.  (They always play with red and green on the show, so that's what I did).  Cut out the flower.  Poke a hole in the center with the pencil.  (a hole punch hole will be too big, and it probably won't reach anyway).

The next part is trickier.  Put a dollop of glue in the center of the flower over the hole.  Push the brass fastener into the glue and through the hole.  The top of the fastener should catch and it shouldn't go all the way through the hole.

Next, squeeze some glue into the straw.  If you are using a bendy straw, use the straight end.  I actually trimmed mine down and cut off the bend once it was assembled.  Now pull the prongs of the fastener apart a little and insert them into the straw (the end with the glue!).

I then turned it upside down and placed it on a flat service to dry.  I also put a little masking tape on it to reinforce it because I wasn't sure the glue would hold the fastener inside the straw on its own. 

Voila!  Once its dry, you can play with them.  I found I could fly them much better by spinning them between just my thumb and forefinger, versus between both hands like on the show.  But kids with small hands will probably want to mimic Kai-lan.  My daughter had fun with these immediately even though she couldn't make them fly.  

Easter Wreathes

On Sprout's Good Night Show, Nina has made wreathes using paper plates more than once.  I took that idea and adapted it for these Spring / Easter wreathes.  Natalie made the pink one and I made the yellow one.

What we used:
One pink party plate (left over from Natalie's first birthday party!)
One white paper plate (painted yellow)
Scissors
Glue (we used both a glue stick and craft glue)
Whole punch
Rainbow ribbon from our scrap box
Foam flower stickers
Glitter foam Easter stickers (97 cents at Walmart)
Pastel pom poms in different sizes
Metallic pom poms
Lady bug stickers
Butterfly stickers
Cut outs from a calendar and a greeting card

What we did:
Preparation:
While Natalie napped and William played on the floor, I gathered up the spring decorations from our existing supplies.  I didn't go buy anything special to make this.  I painted the paper plate and let it dry.  I think I cut out the centers of the paper plates before hand, too.  I then put everything in a ziplock bag until we were ready to use it.

Making the wreath:
Not much to it.  I knew Natalie would want the pink one, so I worked on the yellow one.  She picked out items she wanted right away.  I helped her glue and remove sticker backs while I worked on my own wreath.  The only problem we had was that Natalie kept saying she was done when she only had a few items on her wreath.  She kept going with some gentle prodding.  After we had stuck on all our items, I punched the holes.  Natalie helped thread the ribbon through the holes. I tied the bow and hung them on the front door.  I liked that it was a nice surprise for my husband to see when he got home and gave him something to talk to her about immediately upon arriving home.

Next time:
We didn't use all the items I had pulled out, so I left them in the ziplock bag for next time.  I've already painted another paper plate in case she wants to do it again.  Next time, I might see if she wants to squeeze the hole puncher and I might lift her up to hand the wreath on the hook. 

I really liked using the pom poms in the center of the flowers.

Here they are together on our door. I liked them both so much I put them both on the front door and painted a second plate blue for us to make for our other door. 

We made this one together.  She chose all the stickers and I added the little details.

Love the pom poms for the tails.  Made the butterfly with gem and sequins left over from a craft kit and a stub of pipe cleaner folded in half.  The centers of the flowers are the foam pieces that popped out of the center of the foam flower stickers. 

Easy and Cheap Play Food

This is perhaps the cheapest, easiest, and also most played with craft I've ever made. 

One day we had paper plates in the living room and I got the idea to draw food on them.  I didn't expect Natalie to love them so much.  We go through little spurts where she plays with them a lot for a few days, then the stack is lost in the back of the toy chest.  Each time we pull them out, I add new foods.  I'm quite impressed that she can always tell what I've drawn (but I still write on the back of each what it is for Daddy and baby sitters). 

All you need to make this is a stack of white paper plates and a pack of crayons.  Total cost: $2 if you buy your supplies at the dollar store.

There is no prep, no clean up, and its fun and easy to do.  Where Natalie is still too young to draw food, I make all the food, but an older child could join in.

To decide what to drawn, I always drew the foods we had recently eaten or food Natalie loves.  

Pictured above:
Bottom row left to right: meatloaf with peas, cheese pizza, bacon and eggs, cucumbers and baby carrots, apple and pear slices
Middle row left to right: mac and cheese, crackers with cream cheese, toast with jam, pepperoni pizza, mashed potatoes and winter squash
Top row left to right: yogurt and pretzel sticks, burger with fries, chocolate chip cookies, watermelon

Not pictured:
Cake, cereal, broccoli, fruit salad, chicken nuggets, waffles, pancakes

Good Days

Been having a string of really good days around here.

First of all, its a March heat wave in the Northeast.  For a week, its been slowly increasing to peak in the low 80's yesterday.  We have gone for walks every day and played in the backyard.  Been to the park twice.  Enjoying having the windows open, new spring clothes, and using the grill.  (But sadly, over the next two days we are plummeting back to the 40's before swinging back up to some low 50's in the long range forecast).

Natalie has been doing better with her mobility.  After connecting with a woman with a daughter with juvinile arthritis that my cousin knows, we decided to give Natalie some ibuprofen to see if it helped.  We were reluctant before because it didn't seem to help and we had to fight her quite a bit to take it and didn't like giving her so much medicine when we couldn't tell if it was doing anything.  But we've seen improvement.  Mostly we give her a dose at night, but a few days I gave her some in the morning, too.  We are wondering if it was the warm weather helping her or the dry weather and we will have to see if there are changes as it gets colder.  It figures that she is doing better when her appointment is now just about a week away.  She is not a "normal" toddler though.  She has trouble getting up and down off the floor and has a rough time with stairs.  We have pictures and video of her climbing and squatting up until the fall weather hit, and then none.  But, even though she isn't like the other little kids we know, she is pretty happy.  Most of her negative behaviors have been centered around regular toddler things (testing boundaries, being bossy and defiant, playing with her food, jealousy over our attention, conflict with other kids over toys, etc). 

William has had a huge break through: CRAWLING!  Previously, he could get around pretty well by a combination of rolling and an inch worm type motion, but he was seriously frustrated that his attempts at crawling got him stuck or falling on his face.  But then he figured it out last weekend.  I think that the warm weather allowing us to take off his pants and socks might have been a factor.  Now he can crawl well and every day is exploring the living room more.  He came to the doorway last night, but we scared him off a bit by making a big deal out of it.  With crawling also came sitting back down on his bum well.  He was doing it before, but now he is very fluid in his ability to move from laying to sitting.  With this break through, we had a few rough nights.  But he also had (well, still has) a gross cough and some stuffy nose.  He had a slight fever too.  We had one really rough night in there.  But now we seem to have crossed a threshold and the last two nights he's slept very well.  He's woken up, but not fully and still been able to go back to sleep without us intervening. 

Yesterday was Mike's birthday.  Because of the unprecedented warm weather, he took the day off of work and we went to OBB!  Natalie had never been to the ocean, but has been to the beach several times.  William had never been to the beach.  They both had a great time.  William loved feeling the sand.  Natalie did not like the sand, but still at least tried walking on it and made sandcastles with me decorated with shells.  Mike took each of them down to the water for a little bit while I stayed at the blanket with the other.  I took tons of pictures.  We also walked around the streets some.  We showed Natalie where we got married and she got a little too excited thinking we were going in, but they were closed for the season.  Mike and Natalie had some pizza, which she loved.  When we got home, I made Mike's birthday cake.  We passed a pleasant afternoon and Natalie and Mike enjoyed the the cake.

This passed week or so we've had some good times with friends, too.  We went to the park with our neighbors.  We had went to a free music class with a different neighbor and friend.  We had our regular Friday play date today.

That's not to say we didn't have any bad moments this week.  There were several times this week when I was out and both kids were screaming at me.  There were times I yelled at the kids.  But overall, I feel good leaving this week.  I feel I had some nice alone time with both kids, though more so with Natalie.

A couple more small things.  Been working on my sister's baby shower.  I have the invites ready and they need to be addressed and mailed.  We have a place booked.  Haven't yet really thought about decorations or food.  I  have a friend's baby shower tomorrow.  Been spending a lot of time thinking about what to include in her gift.  Tonight, I need to finish decorating it.  I've been feeling really crafty recently since I got a Pinterest account.  I've gotten lots of great ideas for with Natalie.

Web Resources for Breastfeeding

Here are some breast feeding gems I've found on the web over time.

Breast Feeding Myths Busted


Dispelling Breastfeeding Myths Blog

Breastfeeding Made Simple web site

Why Mother's Kiss Their Babies (yes, it has an interesting bit on breastfeeding)



Breastfeeding Holds Pictures:
Cradle, Cross Cradle, Football, Side Laying
Cradle, Cross Cradle, Football, Side Laying, Saddle, and variations for twins




Breast Crawl Videos
 

The last week

Been really productive around here lately. Last weekend, we did a ton of cleaning. We just got on a roll and kept going. That was nice for this weekend because we didn't have anything extra to clean for the awesome weather. It is unseasonably warm in the high 60's. Later this week will be warmer still!

Some things we've gotten done in the last week:
* set my sister's baby shower date, reserved the room, mailed the check, and ordered the invitations
* decided to continue our farm share this summer and mailed the check
* signed the initial paperwork for refinancing the house (full point lower interest rate means about $20 saved a month)
* I rescanned some pictures and finalized the image for Natalie's first iron on tee
* bought my mom's birthday present
* got the kids spring / summer pjs, bathing suits, and next year's winter coat for William, and finally found a cardigan for Natalie for Easter (total under $70!)
* got myself five new shirts and five old shirts to get rid of
* reorganized top of the hutch in the kitchen
* emptied my school papers out of a set of drawers to bring upstairs for craft supplies
* Mike finished soeting his MP3s including tags, converting cds, and deleting junk for about 2000 songs
* Mike shaved and got a hair cut for the warm weather
* made Natalie a weather wheel and a grocery store checklist
* got the kids's feet measured and bought William's first shoes!

Fun stuff we did
* played in the backyard a couple times, first time since the fall and first time ever for William
* hosted play date on Friday including providing Lucky Charm treats Natalie helped make (well, just a little)
* went on many walks including both weekend days with Mike
* went to the park where William went on a swing for the first time and Natalie enjoyed the see saw, a picnic snack, and talking to some other little girls
* made a few crafts with Natalie and painted
* made Mike's birthday card
* almost finished decorating my friend's shower present
* made postcards from Natalie's pillow pet which is due to arrive this week
* William learned to crawl!

We had a few low points as always, but that is to be expected. On her good days Natalie is being more rebelloius. She learned about running away from us from watching a friend. Thank god she hasn't done it in public. We also had some fights over food. Dropping it on the floor on purpose and taking too much she can't chew in her mouth and holding it. But these are regular toddler things. William was had some fussiness as he figured out the crawling and continued night waking. In fact, I'm writing this now as he nurses in his sleep. Even though these are normal child rearing problems, I sometimes feel I handle them poorly and find myself doing and saying things I dislike out of frustration. Most common is telling Natalie to stop crying over tiny set backs and wanting William to hols still for diapers or nursing. Then there is my usual guilt of just surviving and trying to get a few moments for myself resulting in poor quality time spent with them. Most notably I've been feeling guilty about reading to them less and how much less I read to William compared to Natalie at this age. I've been working on getting Natalie to go play in her room alone when she wants to, but she insists I come with her or she comes back almost always. But we have been watching less TV, so we must be interacting and playing a little bit more, right?

Nursing Loves

There are many things about nursing that drive me crazy, but more often than not I enjoy breast feeding.  (I've said baby throughout to refer to both William and Natalie without pronouns). 


I still marvel at how my milk alone makes my baby double in size in about 4 months.

I feel so satisfied when baby releases with a quiet pop, sound asleep, with a content smile and a little dribble of milk from the corner of the mouth.

I love the closeness as baby hugs my breast, caresses my face, and tucks knees in around my side.

Even in the middle of a long night, I melt when baby stops, looks me in the eyes, and smiles at me.

Over time, I've come to enjoy the little tug on the nipple from latch and the tingle of let down, like the hurt of a good stretch.

I adore watching baby sleep using my breast as a pillow.

I love how baby and I are perfectly placed for a snuggle and eye to eye chat. I stare at baby's eyes and new teeth and beautiful skin and revel in the music of baby babble, adoring how most of it is directed at me. I bend over to kiss checks, nose and forehead and stroke hair and back.  I kiss baby's palms when baby reaches up to explore my face.

I feel confidence when I can calm a fussy mood, at least temporarily, and get an overtired or overstimulated baby to sleep.

As crazy as it is, I've come to like the smell of exclusively breastfed poop and dried breast milk on clothes.

I'm proud  I'm in such a minor percentage of women who feed past six months (yet also glad no one has ever called me a nut or critized me about continuing).

Lucky Charm Treats

I wanted to make something special for our little play date the day before St Patrick's Day.  I knew you could make cereal bars like Rice Krispie treats pretty easily, so I looked it up.  Turns out the recipe is exactly the same.  I decided to half it knowing that the full yield in the past was too much for us. 

What you need:

•  3 cups of Lucky Charms (6 if doing a full recipe)
• 2 cups of mini marshmallows (4 if doing full recipe)
• 1 1/2 tablespoons of butter or margarine (3 tablespoons if doing full recipe)
• green food coloring
• large pan to melt and mix in
• mini muffin tin
• mini muffin cups
• metal spoon
• wax or parchment paper
• oven mitt or trivet

 What to do:

I had hoped Natalie would be able to help me more, but it was just too sticky and she doesn't like having dirty hands anyway!  She did a great job lining the tins and sucking the melted green marshmallow of the spoon!

1.  Melt the butter in the pan on low heat.
2. Add the marshmallows.  Stir them and watch them to prevent them from burning.
3. Once thoroughly melted and smooth, remove from the heat and place on oven mitt on table / counter.
4. Stir in a few drops of green food coloring.
5. Add the cereal and stir.  I added half and then half again. Use a strong spoon.
6. Scoop into the lined muffin tins.  Try using parchment paper to help you do this because it is very sticky.  You could also butter the spoon or spray it with non-stick cooking spray. 

The yield turned out perfect.  We had enough to fill the two tins including letting us eat some as we went along.   I used mini muffins because our play date is for toddlers and I wanted to moms to easily control how much sugar their kids got, but I originally saw this done with Rice Krispies in large tins

St Patty's Leprechaun

To make your leprechaun exactly like ours you will need:
Green paint
Green glitter
Thick white paper
Heart sponge
Plate (or something to put paint on to dip the sponge in)
Green craft foam
Flesh colored craft foam (or white foam and paint)
Pom poms (for eyes, nose, beard, hands and boots)
Four green sequins
Two small yellow foam circles
Two green pipe cleaners (cut in half)
Scissors
Hole punch
Craft glue
Pencil (to wrap pipe cleaners around)


Day 1: Painting

I set up a piece of heavy painting paper.  I then put some green paint on a plastic plate and mixed in some green glitter.  The plan was to see if Natalie could use the heart sponge to make clovers, but at two and a half, she wasn't ready for that.  So, she just had fun pressing it all over the paper.  In fact, she had so much fun that we set the first sheet aside and she covered a whole second sheet adding other colors and a star sponge.

I let the paint dry, and that night I traced the heart sponge on a big patch of green paint to make the clover.  I tried to make a four leaf clover, but couldn't get it to look right in the green paint sploch I had, so I went with three leaves.  I then cut out the clover.

Day 1.5 or Night Before Assembly:
The night before I prepped all the pieces and stuck them in a ziplock bag for safe keeping until a good craft time presented itself.

I didn't have any flesh colored craft foam, so I mixed yellow, red, and white to make a pink color.  I let it dry and cut out a circle for the head.  (You could use paper or felt instead). 

I then cut out a hat out of green craft foam.  I measured it against the circle to make sure I didn't make it too big or small.  (You could use paper or felt instead). 

I cut two green pipe cleaners in half.  I then wrapped them around a pencil to make them spring like.  (You could use foam, ribbon, or string instead, but it won't have the same look). 

Then I just had to gather the remaining pieces.  I got three medium orange pom poms for the beard.  I got this idea from a craft on Pinterest, which is what inspired this whole craft in the first place.  I pulled two tiny black pom poms for eyes.  We usually use googly eyes, and I thought this would be a nice change.  You could use a different color, of course.  I also pulled a tiny pink pom pom for the nose.  Originally I was going to cut out hands and boots our of craft foam (you could again use paper or felt), but they didn't look so great, so I swapped them for slightly bigger pom poms. 

Looking through my scrap box I found the two little yellow foam circles and decided to make buckles on the shoes.  (You could swap tiny pom poms or gems).  I also found some green sequins and thought they'd make a cute shamrock for the hat.  (Again, pom poms or gems could work here). 

Day 2: Assembly
The order you put it together probably doesn't matter, but here is how Natalie and I decided to do it.

She understands faces the best, so she was anxious to put on the eyes, nose, and beard.  Since she is so young, I squeeze the glue on to the foam, and she places the pom poms.  Next, we put on the hat.  I glued on the sequins because I didn't want her to get too frustrated picking them up.

I then showed Natalie how the hole puncher worked and punched holes for the arms and legs.  I put one arm threw the hole to show her how, and then she put the other three through the holes.  I bent the pipe cleaner over a little so that it stayed in place.

I put glue on the hand and feet pom poms and held the pipe cleaners in place for Natalie to put them on.  Lastly, I dabbed glue on the boots and she places on the buckles.

Update

Natalie:
* starting to understand idea of a last name and repeat her's
* starting to count objects versus just reciting numbers
* can play a matching game when she is interested
* tries to manipulate us by acting sad
* can pull down her pants, take off socks with help, sometimes take off shoes, and take off a coat / sweater if it is pushed off her shoulders
* constantly learning new words and pretty much always takes in full sentences, often 10 words long
* colors with purpose and says she is drawing certain things
* continues to be insightful about William's emotions and needs
* says excuse me
* wanted something off the TV for the first time and talks about it from time to time
* likes hide and seek
* adds new things to her vocabulary after hearing once

William:
* rocking and hopping on knees
* a few times has gotten from knees back to bum
* getting the hang of chewing solid food
* working on pincer grasp
* interacting with other kids and babies
* enjoying books
* more interest in toys
* can stand holding on to a table for a short while
* says dads and hi pretty consistently

Natalie had the best day she's had in a while. Antics included:

* sitting on the potty with Mommy
* coloring
* playing with blocks
* singing a lot
* fun at play date inclding joining in group "excercises," ring around the rosie, and hide and seek
* climbing uo and down set of 6 steps alone
* whining over normal two year old things like sharing toys
* playing ghost
* running away from Mommy at bath time
* sponge painting
* eating a whole tuna sandwich, yogurt, blueberries at lunch
* laughing at funny noises
* shreiking
* hiding from Daddy and William
* petting a cat
* giving Baby Kitty a ride in a stroller
* talking on the phone about her day

Meanwhile, after two good nights of sleep, William was grumpy this afternoon. He had fun at our play date chewing on doll house furniture and tea cups and playing with a couple friends briefly, but he had to be forced to eat and banged his head a few times. In the afternoon, he got upset about even the smallest crawling set back. I think one leg may feel stiff from shots.

Every night before I go to bed it seems I promise that tomorrow I will be a better mother, yet there I am the next night promising again. Usually the same mistakes get me again and again, though not necessarily consecutive days.

Goals:
* I will not lose patience with Natalie over attributes that may be related to whatever medically is wrong with her right now. This includes crying and whining about picking things up, climbing, stairs, laying down, and removing her own clothes. This also means not rushing her walking.

* I will play with and talk to William more including reading and praising him. I'll try to include him more in what I do with Natalie. Too often its bed time and we share a few wonderful moments and I realize I've missed him all day.

* I will not let things that don't need to be done get in the way of paying attention to the kids. This includes a large array of things from frivolus Facebook and Pinterest to more productive cleaning and phone calls.

* I will actively play with Natalie more versus just interacting with her over snacks, dressing, choosing TV shows, and calming her crying.

* I will not yell at or otherwise by mean to either child when fet up with their crying over what seems like nothing over and over again. It obviously isn't nothing to them and they don't mean to ruin storytime or lunch or crafts or whatever.

* I will try to remember that play is for fun, learning and working out stress, and not just a way to keep them each busy while I deal with the other, pee, or otherwise try to function.

* I will not talk about Natalie where she can hear me unless it is planned to praise her. I also won't swear in front of her.

* I will try not to push either child beyond his or her capabilities including William self soothing and Natalie using the potty.

* I will try not to compare my children to others, even when just determining average for medical reasons.

A lot of the reason today went poorly was stress over not knowing what behaviors of Natalie's are associated with physical problems coupled with guilt that William isn't getting my attention like Natalie did. I just wind up so frustrated that I'm mean to Natalie and too wound up to enjoy William.

Rough day around here. Mike has a cold. William has a cold and might be cutting his front teeth. He is also now getting up on his knees and rocking, so mobility continues to be frusrating for him. I thought I was over my cold, then all the sudden this afternoon my sore troat just reappears. My sholders, arms and a couple places on my back are also sore since I volenteered to shovel the driveway yesterday since Mike has a cold. I haven't shoveled snow in about three years, if not four.

Because of his cold or teeth or something, William continues to have sleeping problems. Last night he was up several times including a stretch in the bed where he head butted me in the eye. Tonight he has already had trouble several times and I gave up for the night a few minutes to 9. I just want to go to sleep. I didn't sleep well last night, feel I'm getting sick again, and know Mike is going to be working late tomorrow. (Add to everything that work is stressing Mike out. He usually has too little work, but its piling up right now).

But the real straw that breaks the camel's back is Natalie. We took her to the doctor on Friday after a full week of noticing more and more ways she isn't like other two year olds. The doctor agreed that Natalie's knees didn't look right and that her morning shuffling was concerning. So tomorrow we are going to get an appointment with an orthepedic doctor for some time in the next couple weeks. So, this appoitment was slightly validating, but didn't answer any real questions or do anything to help Natalie.

Today, we had a play date with a neighbor. Her little girl has always had excellent motor skills. She is about 3 months younger than Natalie but learned to crawl and walk at thw same time. Anyway, being a weekend it was the first time Mike has been around for one of these play dates. He got to see how the way our little neoghbor moves is so different from how Natalie moves. She runs, climbs, jumps, and bends down with such ease and fluidity. Natalie is so gaurded and slow. Also, our little neighbor also appeared to have better control of her hands, pulling small pieces on toys that Natalie doesn't seem to be able to do. It was very upsetting for Mike. It was pretty upsetting for me too, even though I've been seeing it more and more over the last week or so.

I feel bad that we though some of this behavior was regression or attention seeking. Right now it doesn't seem that way at all.

I just get so sad when I think of the things Natalie could do before, but not anymore. She could climb stairs with a railing and no help back in sept. She could climb up on the bed in William's bed with now help. she could bend in half and look between her legs. She could sit down easily for a diaper change. She sometimes cries when we walk places while l'm pushing the stroller. Thinking of it now, I think its because I'm walking too fast for her. Sometimes I think this loss of skills is my fault for not offering her the oppertunity to practice anymore, but when it is combines with how she moves so stiffly, I don't think it is lack of practice. I wish we were more active with her, but what am I supposed to do in the middle of the winter with a baby too? What if all of this is because we aren't parenting her well? Not giving her enough oppertunity to excerise or not giving her what her body needs? I feel horrible at these thoughts and tey to dismiss them knowing we are doing the best we can at the moment, but them also know we could do better. I feel like the onset of these symptoms and the beginning of winter have coinsided making it hard to know if the reduction in activity is a factor. Or is even cyclic? Her neck caused her to stop moving as much which led to more of the same later?

We just can't wait for some answers. Natalie's spirts are far better than when all this started 4 months ago, but it is still so sad to see her not living up to her potential and in pain. To hear her say she can't do something.

And I really would love to sleep laying down for a few hours with no one crying to waking me up.