Tuesday, January 31, 2012

Since I get so little time to blog, I tend to spend my blogging time on the ideas I've thought out well. I miss just writing what I'm thinking about every few days. Here are some things that I can remember spending time thinking about recently.

I can't wait until I am. O longer responsible for any one's bodily fluids but my own. William is still in the explosive diaper stage. We swear thw bumbo seat makes it always go up his back. Then there are days when he spits up nonstop. On his clean clothes head to toe. On the carpet in little pools. On us, though mike seems to get it worse than me for some reason. William is also drooling due to teething and shoving our fingers in his mouth. Natalie is not exactly free from this eithwr as I'm still chaning her, including some soft messed and leaked diapers on her clothes.

The other day I was sitting on the couch during nap time. Natalie was in her room asleep and william was spread out across my lap on the nursing pillow asleep. I really liked looking over at Natalie's toys and seeing what she had been playing. She had a varierty of dolls and figures out around her doll house. I could hear her talking as she played as I looked at them. It was very heart warming. I often look around the house and notice that its hard to look anywhere without seeing something related to the kids. It makes me overwhelmed to think how we would ever cope if something happened to them.

I sometimes wonder what natalie would do if soemthing happened to me and I didn't go get her from her room in the morning or at nap. Would she get down and figure out the door knob or just cry all day? What if it was like the apcolyse? Could she survive at all on her own even for a few days or would she just stay in her room or not be able to open any food packages? I know, horribly morid to think about.

Another thing I spend a lot of time think about is how different natalie and william are. William is far more active than natalie was. I'm not sure if that is because he is a boy or less chubby. He moves arouund on the floor and in his crib now like she did at 7 or 8 months. She was better at sitting and holding things because she moved less. I think that also might have been why she slept better. Her sleep was far more predictable, too. Her teething also didn't seem to bother her, and it is bothering william. I sometimes wonder if that is because woman handle pain better, haha.

The other thought that crosses my mind a lot around here is how bipolar these kids makw me feel. I soemtimes think they must think I'm crazy. I'll just want a few minutes and they will just need need need nonstop. Even now I'm typing on my phone and thw window has closed. William is falling over on me and natalie has started whining over various things. I try to balance myself between them and to keep everyone happy, but the crying and whining just drive me up a wall at some point. Especailly when its both of them at once, when I worry they are going to wake each other, or I just want a minute to finish something for myself. It feels selfish, but if I didn't still time during the day i'd get none since I usually am too tired by 8 when natalie is in bed. I just feel myself swing into a rage. I usually take it out on the cabnet doors, car doors, or the stroller. I understand why people shake or hit their children though. But just as fast it can pass and I'm calm and ready to read or snuggle. I really think they must be so confused by me, especially natalie.

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