Wednesday, July 20, 2011

Jottings about Pregnancy

Reasons I can't wait for this pregnancy to be over:
  • Once again having at least some clothes that fit properly
  • Being able to properly hug Natalie or let her lay back on me or lay on my chest
  • No more telling Natalie 20 times a day to not push against me
  • No worries about larger consequences of not eating well or drinking enough water
  • No longer feeling so oppressed by the heat
  • Starting a new relationship with my child, especailly the nursing relationship
Reasons I'm not looking forward to the end of the pregnancy:
  • The possible end of our routines on both a large and small scale, including the outside support these bring
  • The current ease of getting one child ready to go out
  • Sleeping in. I had to wait over a year to get to sleep in, and now I only have 6 weeks left.
  • The ability to focus on just Natalie at any given moment
  • Being able to sleep for more than two hours in a row
  • Being able to leave the house alone for more than two hours
  • Reading, blogs, crafts - questionable how much time there will be for any any of these
Biggest worries about William's arrival:
  • I won't allow myself to think about the horrible possibilities. The worst I'll allow is jaundice or colic.
  • Problems with nursing. I'm worried about general problems, like latching issues, supply, just the general frustration and discomfort I had with Natalie in the beginning. There is also worries about Natalie's reaction to nursing: Will she be jealous of the attention and act up? And what about my plans to nurse in public this time? Will my past experinces make it easier to nurse in general and thus allow me to feel more discrete? Will the ring sling work out? Will I be able to nurse and still keep an eye on Natalie?
  • Natalie adjusting to the loss of attention, especailly the times when she demands it. Especially worried about a lot of crying from Natalie as she adjusts.
  • Lack of sleep being much harder to deal with this time.
  • William suffering from less attention than Natalie had. Less holding, less talking to, less being read to, less one-on-one playing.
  • Missing Natalie as my time is stretched and she spends more time with her daddy. Just missing her talking to me and snuggling up to me and all the wonderful delightful things she does every day, new things and adorable things and smart things. I guess, worried about losing my connection with her and my knowledge of who she is. (While meanwhile not ever building that closeness with William, see bullet above).
  • Not being able to follow our routines.
  • Balance between Natalie loving William and hurting him. Her understanding that he is alive and not a doll and that he can be hurt. Her understanding that he can't play yet despite how much I think she will be attracted to him.
  • Natalie's confused emotions about having a new baby in our home even after all our talking about him. Thinking that we love her less. Makes me really sad to think of her thinking anything like this.
  • Will I feel Natalie's love less as our relationship changes? For example, will she still run to me when she sees me from a far? Will she still look so happy when she sees me in the morning? Do I get this for a little while longer?

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