Tuesday, December 28, 2010

A light pink Christmas blessing

So, since I don't know who actually reads my blog, I'm going to keep all my pregnancy related writing as drafts until we make the big announcement to everyone we know.

My last period was on Thanksgiving, which was also my birthday. That meant that a 30 day cycle, like my last one, would end on Christmas day. So, first thing Christmas morning, I took a test. This was not easy. It drove me a bit crazy for a couple days waiting until Christmas morning. And then, I couldn't sleep most of that night, partly from needing to pee, but not being able to since I had to store up my pee for a morning test. (I couldn't test in the middle of the night because I left the test in our bag next to where Natalie was sleeping).

I took the test, and then came back into the room where Mike was getting Natalie changed to go upstairs. He went into the bathroom to pee and take out his mouth guard and asked if there should be two lines. Me, not thinking clearly, said yes, but it doesn't mean anything. I was thinking of the + or - EPT tests. He asked if I was sure, and then I realized I wasn't. I came to look, and we had a very faint pink line on our test. I ran upstairs with it to show my mother and get another opinion. It was awesome Christmas news that we shared with our immediate family throughout the day, but since the line was so faint, we didn't feel too sure about it.

As the next two days wore on, I felt a lot like I did when we found out we were pregnant with Natalie. I felt like my period was coming any second (and still feel that way). I have a slight crampy feeling I often get a couple days before my period, but then I will have a dampness that sends me running to the bathroom to check for blood. This was similar to with Natalie, and I've read that its normal and common to feel this way. I've also felt more tired. Today, I have only felt nauseous for a few minutes, but I felt it more the few days before that.

Overall, its hard to believe I am really pregnant. After the first test, we couldn't quite believe it until we took a second test. So, Sunday we bought another test and I took it yesterday morning. This time, the pink line was much darker, but not as dark as the control line. At first this bothered me still, until I looked at the package and compared our test to the picture, and it was a perfect match. Then I was very happy for a while.

However, the news is still hard to believe. As if coming and going symptoms and the constant feeling like I'm going to start my period weren't enough to cause doubt, when I called the doctor, they now have a new protocol that requires you to give blood before you can schedule your appointments. So, I went over today to give blood. The test is supposed to test your hormone levels to see how far along you are. I'm sure this is useful for people who aren't sure how far along they are, but for us, we are pretty sure. Waiting until tomorrow for these results just adds another level of doubt. Now I feel like its not true until I hear it confirmed from the blood test.

When I was pregnant with Natalie, I was worried that something could go wrong, as I'm sure every woman is when she is pregnant. But now that I've known someone who has had a blighted ovum and learned how common it is, I'm worried it could happen to us, too. I feel like we were so lucky with everything with Natalie the first time, that maybe we won't be so lucky this time. The about to start my period feeling just makes me worry that the call will tell us that I'm not really pregnant. I really only am believing I'm pregnant now in a logical, reassuring kind of way.

We've started talking about the things that need to be done in the next nine months to prepare for another baby. We've started the work a little bit, such as moving a desk into the living room and the deacon's bench into the kitchen. These are small changes that are helping us to clear out the downstairs storage room that will become the office, so that the office can be the new baby's room. Even though they are small changes, they are purposely done with the pregnancy in mind. It seems a little early to be doing these things having just gotten the news, but at the same time, we have a fair amount of work to do and only so much time to do it. Besides, Mike is on vacation, so why not take advantage.

The only other pregnancy related news at the moment is that Chris invited us down to FL to visit in the summer after they are settled. Mike told him we probably wouldn't go because we can't picture Natalie on a plane right now, even if it was shorter than the flight to TX. On top of that, I just can't picture myself somewhere between six and eight months pregnant flying on a plane and going on a vacation with an almost two year old. That's a lot of work and stress to travel and to be away from home in general, let alone that far along pregnant and with a small child. I was a little surprised that Chris asked. Also, I know that they are moving to get a better advantage on their situation, and that they have more children, but still, I feel as if it is their turn to travel to see us. Asking us to come to see them again, barely a year later, seems unfair. I understand that they want to see us and want us to see their new home, and that Orlando can potentially be a fun place to visit (for non-very pregnant woman and children who are older than 2), but its just not realistic. Chris is worried that we won't travel again once we have a second child. I'm not sure. I think I'd probably be more willing to travel with Natalie closer to three and an almost one year old, than I would with Natalie at this age and being so far along in a pregnancy. After that window, though, I agree we wouldn't want to travel again until baby number two had a little self control and could be kept happily seated for the majority of the ride. Of course, all this thinking it through is not important, since Mike doesn't anticipate us going, but I couldn't help thinking it through since the invite surprised me so much.

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